Yvonne/92'/MY

Don't you remember?

2012-02-11T03:15:00.002+08:00

couldn't think of any suitable title, simply inserted the title of the song i am listening to right now instead. no doubt, it's adele's. heard it really long ago but it didn't really catch me until yesterday. hazel brought it up saying how the lyrics are just pure sadness. i shrug a little inside at first but then when i got home i searched it up on youtube again and this time i actually pay close attention on the words. it is very, very sad.

well she left to australia 3 hours ago, aussie is once again stealing my friends away from me. funny how few days ago i was chatting with another close friend overseas (sean) and he told me departures are always the reason why people get close with each other. true that. i knew hazel for more than a year now but she was always been closer to eujiin's brother than any one of us. until lately i got the chance to party and hangout with her a lot abusing the word 'farewell' as an excuse. we could actually click pretty well. it's sad that she's gone in a jiffy. she'll be back whenever she has breaks thou. here i wish her all the luck she needs to overcome home sickness.

i just realize how sometimes the way i look at friendship is way too narrow minded. i tend to hold on to those whom i could've let go at the first place, and letting some really nice people slip out of my life. i'll tell myself that relationship with people could always be amended and nourished with just love and care. but yet until today, the answer that i've gotten so far from life is - no, it doesn't work that way.

some friends are just pests in your life. and no matter how much you're willing to put out for them, it ain't ever gonna change a thing. there is this metaphor where a lady once said, if someone give you a serpent, you have a choice, to take it, or to leave it. it's poisonous but most of the time, we find ourselves holding on to it even when we said we're not accepting because it's harmful. as it gets longer you'll hurt even more because the longer you hold on, the longer time the serpent has to harm you. this truly enlightened me.

i decided that from now on, i can never put myself in a box anymore. because i am so out of love to give. and i am so tired of thinking and evaluating the way i live my life, and also the way i treat people. all these ridiculous craps just makes me doubt myself, asking myself questions like, do i even deserve anyone at all because the problems seems so related to me.

and as time goes by, i start to forget those who stayed, STAYED, and be my friends all these while.

i will learn to appreciate more on every single souls that i know. at the same time, i'm stepping out my boundaries again. i'm gonna push it higher. because so far, 2011 was bad and it made me feel so far away from searching the real way in living. lots of catching up to do for 2012.

thats all for now i guess, need to get some sleep. will blog more when i am more, err, awake. literally yawn non-stop and those sleepy tears are making me look like a crazy woman

love,
yvonne

Clean your make up brushes!

2012-02-08T00:53:00.002+08:00

i really should be going to bed right now but i just feel that this is so important to be shared. i don't know about you people, but me, personally, everytime i scroll on my youtube subscribed list. which are mostly make up gurus. i tend to skip all the videos that teaches on 'how to remove make up' or 'how to clean your make up tools' etc. i guess i focused on how to just LOOK pretty a little too much, without realizing at all.

half an hour ago i decided to watch ONE LAST VIDEO before going to bed, and due to the reason that i've watched nearly everything, i decided to click on one of QQ beauty video, which is this woman, which is 40, which is glamorous, which is just plain awesome. it was a video of her teaching on how to clean up all the make up brushes with full demonstrations, in cantonese.

the moment she dipped her brushes into a glass clear water, particles started floating out from the bristles and the water immediately turned grey. which is horrifying, because right after watching her video, i couldn't stand the thought of me transferring all these dirty stuffs on to my face ON DAILY BASIS, and i followed her instructions in cleaning my very own make up brushes.

I SWEAR TO GOD, THE RESULTS ARE THE SAME.

the water was all clogged up, for one brush i have to put it under a running water for probably 5 minutes, it was just pure insanity. i decided to blog about this, along with some simple instructions on how to clean up your filthy brushes bitches, MY WAY. by my way, i mean the simplest and cheapest method that i came up with that works similarly.

Things you need:
- every single brush you own
- hand wash (preferably anti bacteria hand wash)
- old but clean towels
- bath room sink with adjustable working water tap

1: take the brush that you would like to clean, remember, do this 1 at a time, don't be lazy and you know, wash them like how chinese restaurant's workers wash their chopsticks.

2: let it go through mild running water till it's fully soaked. mild as in like the water is not running too strong, it might break the bristles on your brushes.

3: flick it and press a subtle amount of hand wash on your palm, where you then proceed to rub the tip of your brush into it.

4: just keep rubbing it back and forth. if your brush is really dirty (like mine), you should be able to see a little colors (probably from your eye shadows, blushes, etc etc) mixing into the handwash.

5: run it through the tap water and this is the moment where your jaw will drop because the colours that flows out from that small tiny little brush tip will scare the shit out of you.

6: repeat steps for probably around 3 times (depends on how dirty you think your brush is), until you notice that whenever you run your brush through the tap, the water that flows through are CLEAR.

7: lay the brushes on an old cloth, get something under the end of the brushes so that it tilts frontwards. this way the water that got into the brushes, will flow out eventually. leave it to dry. under open air.

8: make sure your cleaned brushes are fully dried before you start using them again.

now that's all, simple. sometimes we complain how our face breaks out for no apparent reasons, or maybe how our eyes get a little itchy when we apply make up on. the reason might all be related to the tools you used to apply your make up. hygiene is something i just started paying attention to this year. i really don't give a fuck about it last time, but starting from this year, i am really making this into my A list. sounds late, but i might make a 2012 resolutions. probably never or probably soon.

so, CLEAN YOUR FUCKING BRUSHES!

love,
yvonne

Cuppacakes

2012-02-06T03:09:00.003+08:00

Always get yourselves a friend that loves to put him/herself into the kitchen.
I have two, 1 has her grandmother's secret cake recipe; one just love trying out new things.

And today 1 of them got these from I don't know where (she probably baked these herself), LIKE A MAID; and the most romantic thing is she left it on our doorstep when me and eujiin were out for a movie. yes, as usual, i play the role of 'the friend that eats everything'. *wink wink*

thank you shirin goh. *inserts multiple hugs and kisses*

love,
yvonne

Girls being girls.

2012-02-03T02:25:00.002+08:00

Last week's party. attending another one tomorrow. bringin' my infected throat in like a baus.

p/s: photographer actually chased the boys in our team out of the picture for this shot.

love,
yvonne

Restless Nights

2012-02-01T01:08:00.001+08:00

like i promised these are pictures ripped off from those lovely peeps that are kind enough to take pictures during our night out. i do party, just occasionally. honestly if you ask me, compared to those days when going out on a friday and saturday night is a must, my stamina had gone down so much. 5 minutes on the dance floor is enough to make me feel extremely irritated, and not forgetting, tired. only 20 but i feel like i have to say - age is slowly creeping on me. right now it's like i'm fighting with my own thoughts between having to raise up the bars of sending myself out a little more, or just accept what my body is trying to tell me.

still, i really enjoyed that 2 nights in a row of drinking. boyfriend wasn't around (due to macau trip) and i realize my share market is still pretty high ;) hahahaha inside joke. one of my ex lecturer once told me and the girls that, it's necessary for us to go out and party once in a while, even if it's just sitting at the bar, minding your own business. pay attention to people that checks you out, or maybe those who directly buy you drinks. there you will know how much your share market still worth. so try it out! and of course, play safe about it. know your limits.

pictures!

also i finally bought myself an elmo shirt. favourite character out of sem street ever!

love,

yvonne

How many tattoos and piercing I have, finale.

2012-01-29T03:07:00.001+08:00

finally manage to force myself in answering one of the most frequently asked question.

side note: i don't speak like that in real life, definitely, i'm still malaysian. it's just that i like things to be perfect especially for my blog which i had been spending so much time on throughout the years. you can say i am faking my accents or anything like that, everyone is obligated to their own respective opinions, i can't stop you; but personally all i want is to give you readers my best because this blog means a lot to me.

love,
yvonne

Summarizing my 'single' days

2012-01-28T21:02:00.003+08:00

i honestly thought this is gonna be the worst lonesome chinese new year ever. i don't know if i ever mention this before but eujiin is out on trip to macau with his family, leaving me in his house alone like an abandoned pet. in conclusion, i got no work, no food, no transport, i really thought i was gonna rot till i shit bricks. thankful enough, i have a bunch of wonderful friends, we, have a bunch of wonderful friends. came here a year and a half ago and thanks to eujiin i met nearly all of the boyfriend's highschool chumps, even bonded with some of them better than he did. my social network (both virtual and reality) expanded way much further. my swag. i can't find the right words to express my gratitude for all the companies from them throughout this miserable week. especially zhengkai and his girlfriend felicia, because of them i don't have to sit home and munch on instant noodles. as a matter in fact, i never touch them either. both of them never hesitate in bringing me out for breakfast, lunch, dinner or even supper. not forgetting the sleepovers because they're afraid that i might get raped in the middle of the night.

felt so much love and once again. thank you :)

i am surprised also that within this week, i actually partied 2 nights in a row. which is extremely exhausting. also, i will blog about it another day once i get the full set of pictures. got the chance to meet up with the college love chumps as well.

as for my personal issues, i've been facing problems sleeping for the entire week. from this my skin turn out really bad and i have minor breakout across my face. its alright, the man is coming back tomorrow evening and hooray, i am pretty sure i'll get my cuddles and good night sleep again. :)

alright, gotta go. gong hei fatt choi!

muka busuk insomnia

love,
yvonne

Being 20

2012-01-25T03:07:00.000+08:00

never too late! lots of people had did such great wonderful things for me and i feel so much shame for not actually nothing any of it down, so here it is.

a friend of mine got his new ink done on my birthday eve. personally i find it pretty memorable because he had always wanted another one somewhere around his wrist. when he finally got inked i happened to be snapping pictures around with the boyfriend's phone so this is it. everyone has a story.

eujiin was dying in bringing me to dine at shogun. as much as i love japanese cuisine and buffet, instead of spending that lump sum of money on just one restaurant, i suggested that we should spend our night together in different restaurants eating all kind of foods that i love.

i know how he had been saving up really really hard and i am so thankful to find someone that treats me so well. he is not perfect, but this man tries his best to make me happy. early to say this but he's someone i would love to marry someday.

enough of clishe-ness. with the 200 bucks book voucher given by the government. which i don't really care it's what i deserve anyway. i reward myself with a big book of logos. im a fucking happy kid. thought i will never get this ever because it fucking cost 150. sneak peaks!

my lovely boss and colleagues threw me a birthday surprise. and honestly i think they deserve the oscars. they're all so lovely and i am thankful for more than just the birthday surprise they threw, but also for the things they thought me.

not wanting to jinx anything, but the start of being 20 seems pretty good to me.

love,

yvonne

Transformation

2012-01-24T18:08:00.001+08:00

i think i said this before but i'm saying it again, i rarely go out with my bare face, because sad to say, i let my insecurities took me over in this part. unless i have my glasses on, i don't feel comfortable with people staring at me without my make up on. this blog post might not be as drastic as any other transformation video or picture process of others out there, but it actually took me a certain amount of guts to actually post them.

i believe there are people who are really blessed and really, don't need make up at all to look presentable. but personally i had various experience where i go out with full face make up, people thinks it looks cakey; and when i don't put on any, people ask me am i fucking sick.

so this is just a short and lazy demonstration on how i put on so called 'acceptable' amount of make up whenever i'm going out for casual dates or maybe outings with friends. also, it took me years of practise to actually master the art of make-up. and honestly, i personally don't think putting on make up is artificial, well, depends on how a person applies it of course.

they're taken from my laptop camera, it gives a certain type of comfort because at least my imperfections are not detailed-ly captured. (crappy cameras has it's benefits too)

bare face: dark eye circle, wrinkles, redness around the nose, pale chappy lips.

i don't put foundation because i'm too lazy, and i realize how it's the main reason why it makes a person's make up appear cakey. here i used only concealer. a very pigmented type of liquid foundation slightly lighter than your normal skin tone to cover up dark eye circle, redness and also acne scars.

trust me this makes major major difference.

ignore the rashes on my shoulders. one side done and the other not. the difference varies so much.

once done i usually dust it all up with a very light amount of powder foundation. to lock the moisture of it and also to prevent face from looking oily.

my very trademark eyebrow is not god gifted, it takes lots of hardwork and years of practise. here you're looking at 2 patch of bushes where i had not been trimming for the past couple of weeks.

excuse me for posing disgustingly with a pair of brow scissors.

i am not tolerant enough for plucking my eyebrows. i hate the pain and i hate the redness that comes after it. thus, i trim. like a boss.

once done, i shade it off with some eyebrow powder to darken it. always choose a colour that is similar, or few shades lighter than your hair colour.

and then i proceed to draw my eyeliner. i always start off by tight lining my eyes - drawing the inner part of your lid as close as possible to the lashes. giving them the illusion where your eye lashes are as thick as amazon jungle. normally after this step i would just jump straight to mascara, but due to the reason i'm actually making sort of a tutorial, result is not really that obvious, so i drew on a winged eyeliner after tight linging for that tad bit of a lil dramatic effect.

you could choose to put on mascara, or maybe not. thats personal preference. personally i hate mascara, because it clumps up and also it gives that sticky feeling whenever i blink.

once done, pose around for pictures and also camwhore till you're sick of your own face.

i used to be really sensitive with how i look when i go out, until last year, when i finally found a guy who loves me for who i am, and not how i look. it really doesn't matter anymore. my friends love me for who i am too, they love my jokes, not my face. how pretty i look, they'll still call me ugly anyway. now i go out often without puttin on anything but sunblock and lip gloss.

also always remember, always let your skin breath. too much make up 24-7 will clog up your pores resulting, break outs. i'm telling you all these because i been through, done that.

so that is it. Happy Chinese New Year guys!

love,
yvonne

THIS BLOG IS SO FUCKING DEAD

2012-01-19T23:54:00.000+08:00

ANYWAY, I TURNED 20 TODAY!

shall come back and blog about stuffs during CNY break. for now, i really need some good sleep and more rest. work is really draining me out but my boss and colleagues are (i am saying this again) the nicest mentors an intern could ever ask for.

off to bed, tata.

love,
yvonne

Why I don't have an Iphone?

2012-01-13T01:46:00.002+08:00

there is a reason why i came up with this topic, was sorting out pictures of me partying like a rock at sean's house during christmas eve, and there's a picture of me holding his iphone4, intruding his privacies.

wait for it..

tadaaaaah, also i'm wearing my fabulous grinch hat. latest trend for this season, believe me.

back to main point.

once upon a time, i used to be very fascinated by apple products. few years ago, to jump song tracks by shaking your gadget left to right like you have some sort of compulsive behaviour is the coolest thing ever. the feeling of learning something so 'new' was so overwhelming that it gets even worst once you look at the price they're offering you.

i never got any of them, okay, maybe an i-pod shuffle for my brother's birthday a couple of years ago, BUT i never got any of their stuff for myself. obviously because i'm too poor to afford one. also because i don't want to tie up stomach just so i could get a fancier gadget. eujiin and i both loved i-phones so much for it's structure, features, and all the amazing apps. it was almost unbelievable that so much could just fit in your hands. also you could just swap and juggle things around with the tip of your finger.

he got an i-phone 3gs back then and honestly, i was having a hard battle between blackberry bold and i-phone. not long after i went back home (real home) and my dad brought me out to get me a new phone. not because i itched for something fresh and new but my old one was fucking screwed. that time i told him i wanted to get a blackberry because during that period of time blackberry was leading the war.

after long conversations with the shop owner and also lots of thinking, he decided that he will not get me any smart phones. frankly speaking i was disappointed, tad bit a lil. but i couldn't disagree on the things he said. during that time blackberry was around 1.6 (i think) and i phone3g was around 2. a normal phone would only cost probably around 1.2 and that was considered enough to get super fine normal phone. few hundred only but that could feed me for a month.

how bad i really wanted it i still did not go like these bunch of people..

i agreed on my papi's words of wisdom and decided to get something 'normal'. i know he knew i was kinda sad. eventhou he said i could just get something normal, he picked something that is really similar to what i wished for. a nokia e72 :)

i know how my dad portray his love. he don't really show it but it's there, it's always there.

i am really thankful enough to have this eventhou it's not something fancy pancy or super fantastic. and to my surprise, it last me more than a year now. still going strong, still keeping my dirty text messages and my vain pictures. one funny thing is my dad thought i was literally devastated that he kept finding ways and reasons to cheer me up.

for example, how e72 and blackberry both have qwerty keypads.

nah, but really, i'm happy enough that i have a phone.

now all these might sound irrelevant. i am gonna do the explanation part now.

through out the year, apple has come out with all sort of 'different' models, we have the i-phone 4, 4s, now 5 is releasing soon too. don't forget they have pads, desktop, laptops, watches and anything you could possibly think of, just add a letter 'I' infront. people had been asking me why not i get an i-phone? and to eujiin, about why not change his old 3g to i-phone 4s. the thing is, we're not that forever alone enough that we need SIRI in our lives.

kidding. *realising its offensive*

the real reason is, we're so tired of how over rated apple is nowadays.

i went back my hometown half a year ago and all my friends were holding an iphone 4 in their hands. i bet this time i go back they'll be grabbing the same thing, with a 'S' behind. now I AM NOT JUDGING PEOPLE WHO OWNS AN I PHONE. basically, i think its just so over rated that kids world wide are dying to get one so that they could fit in. i think the image i posted above is doing the explanation. if i said those kind of things to my dad he's gonna fucking disown me.

to me, apple is just a money squeezer company. once you get attached to them, you're dead. every few months they release something 'new'. which obviously would turn out vice versa then. they know their die hard fans would find any way possible in getting one of their latest technologies. yes they're good, they're definitely good. but even when nowadays where many people are spending their hard earned money on their stuffs, i don't see them lowering their price at all. instead, it gets higher. you want a good earphone, get it for a few more hundred. you want portable speakers, few thousand. you want an original casing, hundred plus. i am sorry if im weird but it irritates me.

eujiin's laptop battery broke down a while ago and just for service they charged him 500 hundred plus. this is insanity! kids are dying out there and i'm not trying to sound like a saviour but that extra amount of money you paid for a phone could really do you so much.

who needs a better processor and a talking creepy voice that answers you gibberish. would you even ASK SIRI things in public? imagine you're outside, in a bus station, and then you took out your phone and go, 'siri, tell me which bus should i take to go xxx'. honestly if i were to bump into someone like that, i'm gonna give them the weirdest look ever.

and a faster processor?! what the fuck you're gonna do with your phone anyway?! half of the people i know who owns an i phone don't even make much productivity with it. if you need a better processor so you could tweet, facebook, check in places and i don't know, what else? games? yea. oh well.

most importantly, i assume we're all internet addicts. owning a smart phone with BETTER processor and internet connection does not help at all. even with just eujiin's iphone 3g, everytime i go out i just can't stop my urge in goin on the internet. i finally realise the reason why at sean's house, i-phones are not allowed on the dining table. it's distracting. it fucking cuts you off with whatever that's happening around you and traps you.

in the end of the day, you might just think 'OWH SHE'S BASHING I-PHONE USERS BECAUSE SHE'S TOO POOR TO BUY ONE FOR HERSELF, POOR LITTLE JEALOUS BITCH' i don't really care; i don't care too if my friends and family own an i-phone. the main point of me writing this is because i really don't like when people ask me things like, 'why not getting a smart phone?' or 'why don't buy an i-phone?'. i know how of an internet freak i am and i'm not letting it taking over me. also i hate how apple company do their business. not forgetting i am a freaking student trying really hard to save each month so that i won't have to starve myself to death. won't know, maybe i'll ended up owning one in the end. it's just that, we should all evaluate how we see materials in life. appreciate everything you own and really, use your current phone till it's old, rusty and unusable.

also the real reason why they invented phone was for everyone to keep in touch; to connect. aren't calls and texts are more of the priorities? as long you could call someone when you're being raped thats enough.

i can wind longer on this. but i'm sleepy and i have work tomorrow.

leftover pictures from party rock in da house. looking red and bloated from all the whiskies served.

love,
yvonne

Obligations between work and life

2012-01-09T00:33:00.002+08:00

chris brown-ed. kidding. life is just too hectic. must constantly remind self to stop rushing and breath.

eventhough i am always complaining bout how tired i am being completely drained out by work and all the shit that comes with it, i have to admit, i am enjoying everything in my very own way. this might sound so dull and boring for all the working class people out there but personally, i feel like this internship period is like a big stepping stone for my career in future. i am feeling like an adult these days. the urge to actually go home and have a good rest had never felt so strong before. double checks on informations put on adverts, fulfilling customer's tiny little requests, to bear with people's attitude and the must to put on a smiley face even when your superior place another file on to your list of things to do. my schedules are just so jam packed that i am literally jealous, at people who update their status bout their plans and activities to party.

everyday i am handling few thousand value contracts and the pressure is, i assure you, so much more to handle than handing your assignments on time. its a good thing. definitely. some people may think that my company is using me as much as possible because i am just an intern and i would do anything to have a good report from my boss, but the benefits i gain is good experience, improvement in skills and also, the ability to communicate better with people outside the box.

learned better in appreciating good music, also a nice cup of tea to keep me awake for the day. weekends and short breaks had never felt so gifted before. i have come to know that a lot of people out there are also starting work and also interns, mostly spm graduates and also, college uni students. well, all the best to all of you!

the hardship you go through each day is all for a better future. :)

love,
yvonne

The things i nearly missed

2012-01-04T01:58:00.003+08:00

like i promised, i shall now blog about the before and after of my new years eve. really should be going to bed now, exhausted, but i'm staying here for an extra hour because i feel like i have too much shits left undone and going to bed is just, sinful. so, 2011. instead of telling you guys how much it sucked, i guess i'll look on the brighter side. before my semester 5 ended, it was a pure mixture of blur and chaos. until, december hit in. like what i told my pal shirin, december is always the time of the year when you will reflect yourself along with the things that happened throughout the year. every end of the year, you'll realize you learned something new.

anyway, enough of sentimental lost words, lets focus on the happy little things. i mentioned before a buddy of mine passed away few weeks ago. 1 thing about his death is that, he brought everyone back together. and that includes one of my sweetest chump sean. all the way from canada he flew, giving me the wonderful chance to celebrate christmas eve as well as christmas with him and his wonderful family.

he have a very interesting uncle who have such a humorous personality. the first question he popped when me and eujiin stepped in their house was 'you people no life is it what are you doing in my house for christmas eve?' the first answer that pops into my head is, i'm getting old. we're getting old. crazy dance moves and parties just don't fit that much any more. hahaha.. *pathetic awkward laugh*

lots of drinking. funny uncle does not allow any mixture into the scotch whisky he served us, or else a glass will go off flying across the table if he sees one. christmas gifts opening under the tree when the clock strikes 12, something i missed for the past few years of my life. lots of laughters. not forgetting, lots of love and kisses.

also on christmas night, besides paying sean's family a visit (again), we invaded shirin's house for free food and more gift exchange sessions. regretted much that we didn't took much pictures. thou, i do have 2 very special pictures that i found from her really really really old photo albums.

everyone there that night can officially tell her on her face, 'we saw your pet pet'. sean was invading her room by throwing all her bras around because she was packing before we got there. also judging from her second picture, we all now know her 'mouth wide open' motion runs in the blood since she's a kid. anyway, i was really thankful for that night because i honestly had so much fun bonding with the kk peeps. went to shawne's house after that to pay him a visit as well as calling christmas night off by more drinking with the shine brothers.

on 29th, you may know this if you're following me on twitter, i travelled to langkawi for my very first time. the place was incredible. it makes me feel like home. i guess i'm just too used to being sun kissed. we stayed in berjaya langkawi. our rooms are all in chalet forms and to reach the lobby, we have to call a buggy, which works 7-11 every single day. during our first day of stay, while watching the telly half way, a cute little monkey came knocking on our balcony's glass door. it was ridiculously funny. we were so close to mother nature and the feeling is just, too good to describe.

boyfriend and baby brother. their identical looks made a lot of random people asked 'twins?' during the entire trip. i just stupidly looked like the ugly grumpy step sister beside them. and yes on picture above, the chalets that are built on the sea are the villas that i believe, are very much more expensive than ours that is situated 12354365654 miles way into the island jungle.

us looking super happy standing on top of a floating bridge that was constantly shaking here and there because of the tides. oh, when i was there, the amount of caucasian we saw made me totally forgot that i was in malaysia. there were hot white chicks in bikini from left to right, leaving the boys all drowned in their own drools.

i really have to stop making awkward smiles in pictures.

lots of food was involved in the entire trip. from cheap duty free snacks, seafood, western food, and not forgetting, our root- bak kut teh. it all surprisingly tasted awesomely good. we also visited the underwater world, which explains why i have two dark and bluish pictures of black and white creatures wandering in a glass room. yes, they're penguins.

me and boyfriend's favourite when it comes to underwater creatures are forever - jellyfishes. there was once we went to sepang's beach, boyfriend found this living jellyfish stranded on the sands due to the resided tides. he was so excited about taking pictures of it and also to bring it home, that he dropped his i-phone on the damp sand. stupid. but yea, they're beautiful creations of god and i remember there was this upside down jellyfish that really, live upside down. would had took a picture of it if it wasn't for the bad lighting.

also, this is boyfriend's mum. who was even more excited and adventurous than anyone of us who wanted to just lay in the hotel room to rot and die every morning.

shirin i know you read my blog and just to let you know. i am angry because you never let me know you own properties in langkawi. you're an ass.

sdadsadlksadasdjasdja awkward smile. its like a frown that shows my teeth. ok i will trademark this.

p/s: i weighted myself in langkawi and unfortunately, i am 47kg. i can't imagine how horrible is my BMI now. i do eat. i promise and i swear i do. it's just that the only way to stop myself from losing weight or maybe, stop my metabolism, is to tie me up on a bed so that i could just eat and do literally nothing. i know how many people out there are jealous of this 'talent' (i supposed) i have. but honestly, its such an inconvenience. i might slip in clothes easily, i might sit without worrying that extra few layers hanging out. but for the fucking entire trip. i can't sit in the middle of the car because i can't take the air-con blowing directly towards me. i have no fats to keep me warm. i can't buy bikinis because apparently, all the sizes that have is enough to be made as my helmet. i can't stay in the duty frees market for too long because their air conditioner are blasting like crazy. i wear singlets to the beach 10 minutes later i have to put on a cardigan. every night my nose runs like crazy because my body is just too weak to handle anything.

i hope everyone had a wonderful new years eve. happy 2012!

love,
yvonne

Hola!

2011-12-29T23:31:00.000+08:00

not writing because i've started interns few days ago. been busy trying to catch up with some buds and also, coping up with my schedule. currently packing my sack to langkawi for 4d3n. it'll be a nice getaway, finger crossed! everyone seems like they're enjoying their hols as much as i do, technically. i hope whoever thats reading this will too :)

will try to update a lil more when i get back. noodles!

love,
yvonne

Shawne's funeral

2011-12-24T01:35:00.002+08:00

when my uncle passed away few years ago, i hardly even shed a tear. yes i felt so sad about it but honestly, it's not even enough to break my barriers. my tear ducts are pretty bad ass. few years later i came here and through eujiin i met lots of different people that are mostly connected during their high school years. after 1 year mingling around and making friends, i don't know if there is a word for this, i sort of got how things work here. how the cliques are and how lots of them are actually really bonded with each other. it is really interesting because from where i came from and through out my journey in making friends, often i find myself stepping into new chapters or maybe me and my friends depart into separate ways after going through one together.

throughout the process, i knew shawne. 1 year younger yet has a really really fascinating personality. to say that we're close friends, nah i don't think so. but judging from how i first met him, he's one those people that could really put a smile on your face. well actually i don't really know i smiled a lot because of his jokes or it's just me feeling really awkward because i am too charmed by his looks. guilty!

anyway, he died. the one that i had been mentioning on my twitter for the past days was yes, indeed, him. yesterday, i went to his uncle's house to pay visit to him and his family. i saw his parents, his brothers who came back all the way from india and russia, his lovely friends, and also some acquaintances who wished to pay him a last visit before he goes back to the ground. death, they're always devastating. to watch everyone mourn for his absence is probably the main reason i cried along. what i saw, was indeed, how much this man was loved.

it was unfortunately a car crash. a car similar to what eujiin drives every single day. i guess expensive cars doesn't guarantee your lives either. most of the time when i tell people to drive safe, i wouldn't worry much. because really, i am still young, and death hasn't really touch me so close to the heart, yet. but after all these things, i've been thinking so much, too much actually. and here i strongly urge all you drivers out there, to really be safe on the road.

when i look at shawne, i frankly don't really feel sad for him. i mean, yes such a young life wasted. but in my point of view, death might had hurt him a lot, but it ended, and he's finally free from his sufferings. what i really felt, was the lost of a son, a brother, a nephew and a friend. looking at the way his parents dealt with this is the main source of pain i have in my heart. all the time i took my parent's love for granted. often i forget that they'll leave me someday too. i saw how much pain they had in their eyes, while still having to toughen and cheer the rest of us up. spoke to the mother, and i realized how she's probably not even sure of the things she said or what are the things she asked about me.

the brothers. on the funeral, they stated how they're like triplets. to loss someone you practically grew up with. it is still a thing i haven't encountered. and really, i hope i don't. putting myself in their shoe made me think. if death took my baby brother away from me, i wonder how could i even live on. the friends, their clique, tears was shed so much that most of them had swollen eyes. sean, one of my best pals, came back all the way from canada with his younger brother to keep their promise to see him for the one last time. seeing him cried as if he's questioning god 'why?' hurt me so bad that i couldn't even stop my own tears from coming out.

i have not cried like this in a while. and like i said, i am still young. death is still pretty new to me and the majorities of those who attended the funeral. mum said 'death was never about the age', true, who knew the youngest would have left first. and one of my close bud felicia said 'the longer you live, the more funerals you would have to attend'. oh we really have to train our hearts to be stronger.

from now i really would spend more time evaluating the way i see life and also, be more appreciative towards the people i care. sad to say but you won't know what is coming on next in life. it is always filled with shocking surprises. sometimes good, sometimes horribly bad.

shawne you had been a great friend and you touched a lot of souls when you were still breathing. even thou i hardly know you, but i feel really sad for your departure. i hope the afterlife works fine for you, and also, i hope you saw how much people grieved and mourned for you leaving. you were really loved, and honestly speaking, i would miss your presence.

ironically the last conversation we had in chat, what you said to me was:

cant do anything
gotta move on
and not look back
but they'll be back to pay you a visit somehow someday

yes, shine on your love ones, for i believe they need lots of supports in life to move on, and also to live. i will pay you a visit if i have the chance again, somehow someday. you were a great friend, rest in peace.

Life and death

2011-12-21T00:15:00.002+08:00

the saying that goes 'you'll never fear death until it place it's hands on the people you love' is more than just true. i don't even have the energy to go rounds and elaborate my words. i honestly can't wait for 2011 to end, its getting worst. i didn't even realize christmas is 5 days away.

i lost a friend today, a great friend. may his soul rest in peace. my condolences goes to all his really close buddies and families.

p/s: i don't think i have extra time and energy to talk about my trip to penang. here are a few pictures for your viewing pleasures. feeling really like a grown up these days, even my sleeping time is fixed and everything for me is so far organized and going according to plan, except, for the unexpected funeral.

p/p/s: just realize my pictures are screwed no idea how they all became un-rotated again once uploaded.
p/p/p/s: PLEASE EVERYONE, PLEASE. drive safely. i know life is unpredictable, when time comes it comes, but please, do think for those you love and those who loves you. today i had been thinking so much and i'm getting more and more paranoid by the thoughts of losing those i love. always remember safety first, and don't forget to remind those around you.

love,
yvonne

HEY!

2011-12-18T18:20:00.002+08:00

like i said, december is gonna be crazily hectic for me.

i'll try my best to write a thing or two about penang. im back since yesterday and the whole journey was horrifyingly tiring. anyway, i don't know if anyone even still read my stuffs but i might be doing a random video about.. something. right now i have 'make up tutorial' in my head but then at the same time i realize how awkward and weird its gonna be for me *inserts ultimate face palm* anyway i'll try my best to keep up with this blog and just keep reading :)

love,
yvonne

You know you are getting old when..

2011-12-11T04:53:00.001+08:00

friends around you are getting married and starting to have kids.

its funny how when you're sort of in a stable relationship people always bring up the 'so when you're dropping the bomb' topic. to be honest its way too early for us for me and eujiin had only made it past a year not long ago. not to say its a short period, for some people 3 months its already like 3 decades wtf. anyway, my love story is not the point.

been reading audrey's blog and recently, her fiancée had just drop the question. its really heart warming because i've been following her blog for years and through it she had never mention much about her relationship. yet i always knew they're very much in love with each other (judging from the pictures and the way she talks about the tiny little things between them on her blog). it got me thinking and realizing how lately, with the help of facebook, i found out my highschool friends are all getting engaged and even married. some of them already even have kids!

i don't want to judge and comments regarding how it's probably an accident will not be tolerated. lets just make this all fairytale-ish. i'm not that kind of person who gets too passionate with love. to me its always like, if we can make it, i'll let it be, kind of way.

people ask me what do i think of marriage and starting a family. rationally, reality is always not that kind of ideal material to be fantasize of. marriage to me had always been a pretty strong word. it needs lots of patience, commitments and most importantly, love. well love the word had also is use too much in life. some people say it without realizing how when some times some things are brought up too often, it'll loss it's value. commitments is another issues as well, i believe to all of us its the same.

it's not easy having something bounded with. sometimes it makes you better, sometimes it just makes you fall. thus, i always have this very indecisive thought between getting married early (as in my 20's) or maybe late. well personally, i don't believe when people say things like, you guys should get married so that you two can enjoy those many years to come. who said we can't enjoy even when we're not married? is the heart that counts.

for me the more sensitive and serious part is having kids. making a family. it takes lots of responsibilities in becoming a mother and i don't want to bring up a kid that will probably kill me in future by giving me strokes or maybe heart attacks. which explains why, i believe, in my plan - i would love to only talk about everything when really, we had both settled down with our future.

some of the people i knew had already have their future all planned out. i'm not that kind of person. fate can be really tricky and funny at times, it's unpredictable. i just feel so overwhelmed that these days, some of the people i know are so ahead of me. of course i feel happy for most of them, but i still think that 19- 20 is a pretty young age to settle down with what you have so far. we can definitely go further.

getting married is not wrong, and yes some people said its about the timing. i, personally, would love to wait. i want everything to be near to secured for example financial, accommodations and etc. because i dont want to worry about all of it later on. :)

for those who are already tied and committed, i feel happy for you people. and i hope in many many years to come, you'll have wonderful times together making wonderful memories. and for those who are like me or even slightly behind me for example *cough* single, do not worry!

you are not forever alone. theres not much difference between being single and in a relationship.love can be found everywhere as long you are willing to give. (in a decent way mind me, i have dirty thoughts *cough cough cough*) your time will come :)

so here were the answer you people seek for about me and my opinions about getting married.

cheers! for the happily married, happily in love, and happily single humans.

love,
yvonne

Hectic December

2011-12-10T04:24:00.001+08:00

been having pretty bad days lately. my presentation ended, to be honest i think my expectation was a little too high, i feel that my works this semester failed to impress my lecturers. had a fight with my mum a sea away, also very disturbed by human's behaviour. right now my priority is to get my intern job application things done. everything is draining me more and more each day i am so tired.

life isn't always cotton candy and talking gummy bears, don't worry i am not suicidal. i am a tough kid. anyhow, here are pictures from a mini house party i had with my fellow friends few days ago. it was an enjoyable party and i am looking forward for my busy schedule this entire december. might be starting intern earlier than expected, going off on trips to 2 different places, and also some small job opportunities to help fill up the soon to be bruised wallet.

its good being busy, at least it keeps my mind off things.

holiday is not really 'here' for me this semester break. but i am thankful.

enjoy your holidays people, cheers!

love,
yvonne

Being skinny

2011-12-06T15:26:00.001+08:00

there are various versions out there but i am here to just state out my experience, point of view and all that. i once blog how perfection is actually defined by people's perspective but by looking things today, it seems nearly impossible to actually make people have a change in mind that being skinny, is not always pretty. the pageants, runway models and cover girls are mostly thin tiny little human beings that makes people go, awhhh i wish i was her size. size zero seems like the goal for every single girl i know. i know how you people feel, trust me. been through, done that.

i guess its considered a bless that i was never fat nor obese. not to say being one is a horrible thing, its not, except obese, maybe a little. considering the fact that it might highly affect your health issues. well i am not a person who is very into sports. working out always seems like the last thing in my mind eventhou i am laying on my bed doing literally nothing. yet people had always asked me to eat more and feed myself more because i am a 'walking stick'.

honestly i'm not one but relating to what i mentioned before and on my previous posts about my size, i figured out that i should probably share my ways and secrets. ok they're kinda public if you know me in real life *shame*, but here it is:

1. i poop a lot.

sometimes my friends get very irritated by me and my highly active bowels. i always declare to the entire table that i wanna visit the washroom and do my business nearly, almost, after every meal. not because i am on some kind of detoxing products or anything like that, its just me and my monstrous metabolism. this, i believe, is the main reason why am i always eating like a monster yet looking still the same size all the while.

2. i eat fruits a lot and always make sure i drink water after.

now i am not gonna say things like, drink more water because it helps speeding up your metabolism. that will make me a hypocrite because my daily consumption of H2O is not practically enough. technically an average human being has to drink around 8 glass of water per day and sometimes i wouldn't even reach half. yet, i have a very strange habit, that is to drink water after eating fruits. i read before somewhere, that the fibre in fruits does not effectively trigger your bowels movement unless you drink water after. somehow the water will work wonders with the fruits you ate and make you poop. fruits are mostly tasty and refreshing, you can never hate them. the technique is by picking on fruits that can be easily bought from stalls and that are also your favourite. my personal favourites are: pineapples, kiwi, apples and grapes.

3. i hardly skip meals.

breakfast, ok forget about breakfast. i am pretty sure the period of time i am awake, ignoring what time is it, i always eat 3 meals per day. most of time its either dinner --> supper --> breakfast (then straight to bed/ on vampire days); or lunch --> dinner --> supper (on normal days). yes it is kind of unhealthy in a way, but at least i eat. obviously if you want to not suffer the wrath of constipation, you'll have to eat something and let your stomach and intestine move. you might think that when you don't eat, your body does not consume any fats. this is a very wrong thinking. if you're constipated, your body will appear and feel bloated, resulting in you feeling 'fat', even when you're not. not only it gives you an illusion, also it decreases your self esteem, because constantly, you'll be worrying how you look. notice how girls are always more confident after they poop. hahahaahhahahah yea.. not eating also gives you lots of sickness, for example, gastric, which is the most common one.

i am not making this up. i do have friends that are obsessed with being skinny. they went through hell just to be the size they want and today, my twitter timeline is flooded with them ranting about stomach ache, cramps, gastric, alone and waiting to die etc. maybe you say, i would rather die pretty and thin than living fat and ugly. go fuck yourselves. i don't want to preach about african kids, i assume you did not loss any brain juice along with your weight.

4. try not to drink any can drinks.

i used to love can drinks. yet i limited myself since a year ago that i could maximum, only drink 1 can per week. not that i was weight concious but because i was old enough to read informative articles and realize how many dose of sugars they have in them. carbonated drinks are definitely a no if you are very sensitive with you body. it'll make you feel very, VERY, bloated. don't drink if you can't handle it.

5. don't puke your food out right away after eating.

desperations often lead us into doing silly stuff. one of the things a lot of people don't realize about attempting to reverse back what you ate is that its a waste of time, and it's really harmful. bulimia can cause your skin around the lips to rot. when you vomit the acid in your stomach flows out together, like i said, its acid, it will burn your skin. causing you to look like a very obvious bulimic patient. unfortunately, puking does work in making you skinny, but, unless you go to the extend into turning yourself into someone who suffers bulimia, you'll gain back the weight. a lot of people don't realize that when you throw up, you get skinny first, later your body will starve for those missing nutrients so it begins to grab hold of everything that goes into it-building fat storage. you'll end up gaining more than you lost and in the end of the day, what is the purpose for doing so. you harm yourself, hurt the people you love, waste your money, loss your health and suffer mental depression.

now i am not discriminating people who suffers bulimia, but personally, i cannot accept the fact that bulimics thinks that they don't have a choice because its a sickness. cancer patients don't have a choice, diabetes patient don't have a choice, yet they're always fighting, struggling with all their wills to stay strong and fight for their love ones and themselves, they fight to live. i did my research beforehand and there are articles that said, these are not appropriate words to be said to bulimic patients, because in the end of the day, they will take accounts to themselves, thinking that they're the reason why are people sad and all that. i know people that make themselves puke, and a lot of them were so close to the edge, but still, with love and rational thinking, they manage to pick themselves up and really, start all over again in building up their body.

i don't disgrace bulimic patients, i don't find them disgusting or anything like that. all i think is that they must have a good grip with themselves and really, think for themselves and their love ones. if you are one, or you're in the process of healing, just know that i fully support you into changing for the better, and always remember, we're all beautiful in our very own ways.

6. don't follow any skinny bitches related accounts on tumblr.

social networking are one of the main spreads for the implantation of 'skinny is pretty' into teenagers head. i do look at skinny girl pictures, and i go, woah. but i don't follow them or make them as my wallpaper, setting them as my life goal or mission. there are a lot more important things in life to be worried about than that few kgs difference on your weight. your assignment due? you mum's birthday? christmas? after college plans? what are all these things? one day you're gonna meet somone, get married, have kids, gain 20kg but content and happy. it will all one day become something you look back and laugh someday.

7. don't spend spend money on diet pills, fat burners, detoxification milkshake or wtv.

they're expensive. its your parents money. simple as that. move that fat ass you complaint about to the kitchen and blend yourself a nice glass of juice, organic detoxification recipes can be found all over the internet. why waste the money? diet pills or fat burners are mostly costly. invest it on vitamin supplements so that your body will get all the nutrients it needs that you lost through the process in controlling your eating habit. i eat vitamin c (whenever i remember them) they're affordable and good for your skin and health.

8. i eat whenever i feel hungry.

starving yourself will only lead to you feeling double the impact when its time for real meal. i snack all the time. i have all these small packets cookies and junk food in my room that i snack on whenever my stomach grumbles in the middle of the night. so when its time for lunch/ dinner. i eat only the amount of food i need. ever heard that you should eat 5 small portions of food per day and you'll loss weight. thats because you're giving enough time for your body to digest and produce poop (ew but yea) and at the same time, you don't have to suffer the hunger pangs.

these are the only things i could think of right now, yes its pretty long. but i believe its worth your time reading.

love,

yvonne

It was a date

2011-12-04T05:33:00.001+08:00

to hold hands and walk around the streets without saying anything was always comfortable for both of us. i guess it had been too long since the last time. our paces were different at the beginning, but one of us must have caught up later on. to leave the usual overwhelming cycle for a moment might just be one of the right things to do, at times. rephrase.

kl streets on saturday is just not the right place to roam around if you're alone. all the happy faces, good friends, couples and families were just all over invading and dominating. both of us managed to picked our favourite green tea 'mochi' from pavillion's tokyo street and headed off to lot10 hutong food court for some nice and traditional chinese cuisine. im not really good in describing food so if you guys are interested might as well check out this site (click here)

after dinner we gave starbucks a visit and grabbed our ice shaken lemon tea and green tea frap. mainly because walking is too mainstream. ok fine i was lazy. was about to attend a friend's birthday afterwards at bedroom pavillion but immediately changed our minds because it was too crowded and the venue wasn't organized properly. instead of forcing ourselves into the sardin crowds, we decided to change routes. drove all the way back to subang and made a pit-stop at sunway mentari little korea (sojubang) for some nice and cold korean liquor with 2 of our lovely friends which, is also one of the cutest couples i had ever seen.

basically got a little TOO tipsy, got hungry, dropped by at MCD and had lots of guess what, twister fries! they're always my favourite. and yea, this is a report on the places that i left my scent on. ew. its 7 in the morning, the birds are calling, gotta tip toe off to bed. tata for now.

love,
yvonne

Still alive!

2011-12-03T05:28:00.001+08:00

typing these with a face mask on, yes i dig girly routines.

if you are attentive enough you can slightly see the bump on the tip of my right eye (your left) on the picture below. that is the infection that i had been ranting about on my twitter. this picture was taken after it resides, the pain beforehand was indescribable. note people, NEVER, EVER, touch your face especially around your eyes with dirty hands, and make sure to get enough sleep and remove your make up precisely to avoid such misfortunes. wow my english is good today. would you like to have a cup of tea with me? *phony british accent*

i really feel like i disappeared for too long. so here is a just a quick update on the things that had been going on for the past couple days. the reason why i appeared so technically, busy, is because i really had been productively catching up on everything. basically includes 2 LAN exams, which is my moral and malaysian studies; 2 final assignments for 2 different subjects that i was given more than a month time to accomplish but was squeezed, procrastinated and finished in a day or two. my bad; preparations for an unexpected job this upcoming weeks for my department; meetings and discussions about this following semester's internship.

i know it doesn't sound a lot to some people and also i am not saying it occupies my EVERYDAY. i do, guiltily slacked a lot and roamed around town a little too much this month. not forgetting those heart warming drinking sessions with those who are close to heart. speaking of drinking i had been drinking quite a lot recently. :/

its just that i don't have the peace of mind i need to sit down and really write some decent stuffs here. all i have in my poor little head is work, responsibilities and my imaginary to-do-list. oh dear, until now i have not found any suitable internship company yet. everything is just so piled up together i can hardly even breath properly. i fear in sending letters to companies because even if they approve me, i might have problem getting there for daily working shifts. i might really need to trouble someone for next semester for my transportation issues. the boyfriend has to attend classes and as much as he loves me to defer his studies for 1 short sem, i still really don't think that's a brilliant idea at all.

that's a thing. my expectancies are so high i am really starting to hate myself. i do hope that i could get a company that is willing to pay me. with all this thoughts going on, i not yet, even, send off any of my resume. not forgetting that left aside portfolio. *smacks forehead viciously* i am dying to get everything sorted out. i think i really need to start off with my sleeping schedule. i need to fix it. my clock is upside down that when you people are hurled up in your warm blankets, i am sitting infront of the laptop filling in posts to entertain you people. ffft.

its 6 in the morning now, once again, i feel like i didn't do much for today. whisper: besides watching Arthur's Christmas for a december holiday mood headstart. oh lord................... yvonne.

so much for today, i'll update again really soon. with more pictures, hopefully.

p/s: not only i have a swollen eye, i lost a toe nail as well, i named it TOEBY and its growing oh so fine and well, its just - s l o w . if you people are kind enough, kindly pray for me, so that i do not loss any other body parts.

love,
yvonne

Is love alive?

2011-11-26T03:06:00.001+08:00

i think i didnt hold a good grip on myself this year. not to say i had completely lost my feet from ground. i am still holding on a thin line. it took me half an hour to write this head start. i guess i lost my alter ego as well. not only i stopped practising things i used to love doing, i slacked in almost all the important things. its like, i lost balance in life, between giving and taking, then lead to me fucking everything else up. some things here won't come with an explanation slip, they're sensitive, and all those fucking sensitive people out there always find everything relevant and offensive. this is my point of view in life, its not about specifically anyone, its just about me.

i was listening to twilight song tracks and despite how annoyed i am by kristen stewart's facial expression throughout the movie, i got to admit they picked really good musics. as usual, slow songs make me sappy. i figured out that this is a fabulous moment to actually pick myself up and start writing at least something here. to be honest, i am really really lazy. like i said, slacking in everything is my expertise.

so december is slowly creeping in the window. the festive feeling, the heart-warming decos and smiles are knocking on the door as well. time, can you be any faster? yes indeed, we're at the finishing line for this lap. i have no idea how the year had been for everyone. for me it was entirely disastrous, till one point, i hated it. not forgetting it had been a really long time since i saw my parents. no words can explain how much i miss everybody back home.

i had always see 'love' as a need. to me it is like water. im talking about love in general. love for your parents, pet, friends.. it explains to me why when a person is fed either too much or too little of it, they go haywire. not to say im a very generous person in giving out my love and caring, but i seriously won't hesitate when it comes to people that i really trust my feelings with. and there is where the devil slips in. when people have too much of a something, they tend to forget the importance and value of it, in another words it will always ended up taken for granted.

seemingly i am getting used to finding out people's true identities. often i told myself we all have a little of each in us, but it really keeps me wondering how some people could have so much in them. i can't even blame myself any more for being such an emotional mother fucker. i feel like most of the time, i gave out so much of what i am made of that i forgot to keep some for myself.

thankfully from all these i could roughly see who are the real ones i could still cling on to. i do admit in certain aspect, it really does look like i am taking people for granted as well, but i always thought this is how we should all work, we should always have a balance between giving and taking. we're just not made to live by ourselves.

it took me 5 hours to write all of these. funny as it sound i always find myself losing what was i intending to really express at the first place. i might sound like a person who thinks she is the greatest sacrifice ever. no i don't. i don't intend to make things sound that way. i am bad with words and its difficult to express everything in the right way. really, if you walk in my show,see through my eyes, and hear through my ears, you would really understand why each day, i loss a little faith with everything.

december had never taste this raw. its coming.

love,
yvonne

Procrastination queen

2011-11-22T04:14:00.001+08:00

end of semester, as usual.
busy fucking around with assignments.
brb

love,
yvonne

Its just the same old backdrop

2011-11-19T04:02:00.001+08:00

Theres gotta be more to life

2011-11-14T21:48:00.001+08:00

when stacie orrico first released that song it meant nothing besides nice and catchy, now its so relevant, too relevant that it really stings whenever i listen closely to the lyrics. i dont think im even busy. its more like, im so tired of keeping myself on track with everything and making sure i don't fall off any important moments in life. yes, i grew tired of it. i feel so alone to be honest. i feel so alone in things, in lots of things.

exempt my rants, this is what happen whenever i stop writing for too long. i do understand sometimes as much as a person care the furthest they can go is only a pat on the shoulder along with words like 'it'll be okay'. it'll be alright, i hope.

i stopped doing my work, i hardly even remember what i've been doing besides slacking around wasting my time with people. am i nervous now that the due dates are knocking on the door? no. to be honest, i don't even care anymore. obviously i would still do it in the end, i can do it. its just right now, all i want is a less organized life.

im tired of restrictions and obligations. all these terms and conditions. i feel like renting a pent house for a couple of days, i want to live alone, with lots of wines and liquor with some really good music. i want to walk around only in my underwear and lay on the balcony floor waiting for sunrise to hit me. not wanting to sound like a hipster, but you get what i mean.

or maybe, i just want my heart to stop talking, then maybe i won't know that i'm unhappy afterall.

as far as this emotional essay goes, this too shall pass. its just one of those moment where you go - sigh.

enough.

random picture throughout these 2 weeks.

pictures from:

- mirrors ambassador 2011 - 2012 search semi finals

- jackson's crib

- photoshoot

don't feel like typing much, i'll let the pictures do the talking. :)

my mojo will be back, really soon.

love,

yvonne

I need more than just 24 hours a day

2011-11-08T03:32:00.001+08:00

too lazy to edit photos, too lazy to sit down and do inspirational writing.
too lazy for anything.
not enough time even for my priorities. ==
i need a back up plan, immediately.

will be back and blog about shit load of stuff, soon!

love,
yvonne

Don't act like you have a choice

2011-11-02T02:48:00.003+08:00

keep a certain distance, watch and analyse,
don't buy everything, for we all have a monster within.
generosity and kindness might lead you into shattered little broken pieces.

no point weeping ever.
get over everything, life's a bitch.

Pictures + Vlog + Nothing else interesting

2011-10-30T00:48:00.004+08:00

^ vlog.

Tomato head

2011-10-29T04:02:00.000+08:00

Sorry! really have no time for words! just to show you my red hair :3

love,
yvonne

Changes to be made.

2011-10-25T00:19:00.001+08:00

change is constant. we're no one to stop it from coming. i read a post by a very famous tumblrella a while ago, and she claims that once, 2 of her ultimate best friends left her because she 'change' herself. sometimes people want changes to done with their life, they believe its their way in pursuing happiness. and some people, like me, rather stay where they are who they are because sometimes, you gain what you have by just being, you.

i watched people around me change themselves inside out. some of them managed to change for the better, some just lose their feet off the ground. now, truly, if something like that happened, as in like you lose yourself in the process of changing who you are, people who really loves you will try all their might in grabbing you back. personally i really think its up to a person in whether he/she wants to review herself entirely all over again, or just take people's words as a nuisance.

always hold a firm grip with your inner side. whatever happens, don't let it fly away and dust of with the wind. you'll ended up so lost you don't even know your purpose living anymore. never always take people's criticism as thoughts that, 'they don't want you to be happy'. some of them maybe yea, has a black heart. but think for those who has the heart of gold.

when people try too hard, they get too tired. eventually they'll choose to let go. when that happens, do not blame others for never standing by your side and listen to you. i know it was never easy holding on to something. especially to something you're so unsure of for the path to happiness. whatever you changed to, there will always be someone, criticizing you from around the corner. its not necessary to live your entire life trying to impress people who probably don't even care about you.

if you think someone loves you, stop walking, take a deep breath and try listening.
you'll never know, you would probably find yourself again.

p/s: aside of all these rushing adrenaline and thoughts to write about. i am currently very sick. really should feed myself more for i always ended up losing massive weight once i loss my taste buds.

love,
yvonne

Recaps Sunday!

2011-10-23T15:35:00.001+08:00

decided that i should write recaps for the week/month/ or whatever in point form because readability is higher.

so for this week, i...

tried out too many different kind of foods for this month, time to give the tongue a rest. my taste buds are having seizures.
manage to finish up 2 assignments for this week on time. extremely happy because it means im having saturday and sunday as a real 'nothing to worry about' weekend for the week.
finale managed to jogged around the neighbourhood park, under multiple big lightning and thunder. i didnt gave any shit because i got my earphones on and i don't know what was going on.
looked through old photos and realize the amount of baby fats i'v lost throughout these couple of semesters. (especially the cheeks and the jawline)
nearly died out of fatigue due to pro-bono work for another department. worked on pasting A3 printed sheets into A0 sized times 2. it was like playing puzzle with low quality printing and lack of human labour.
found out some old friend suicide (R.I.P)
did a fund raising charity booth, ate too much leftover chocolates and marshmallows from our chocolate fountain.
watched rihanna's new song and right now i would really love to get high, kidding.
ate too much seafood from sushi ended up scratching all over my allergies like a mad woman.
had an awkward and rushing presentation on monday itself because the time clashes with the fund raising event.
found out how my group is one of the 'best selling' groups for our entire fun raising event.
found out how other groups funded out for their cost using OUR money.
finally on today, sunday to be exact, i've fallen asick. trying to keep up with my flu sorethroat and fever right now.

love,

yvonne

Time out

2011-10-21T00:23:00.002+08:00

Left over pictures from last week parties and eating outings.

random bak kut teh outing. pork are so yummy.

current facebook new dp.

love,
yvonne.

free fallin

2011-10-20T03:43:00.002+08:00

listening to john mayer at these kind of odd hours is like one of the best things in life.

they said, when people know each other for long, they leak their true selves out, i think it's pretty common. automatically we'll feel so comfortable with those around us and eventually, without noticing, we show our real side. which others will later think that we changed because we weren't what they thought, or more like expected at the first place. this philosophy works vice versa as well.

shall blog more once i get my work done. wrote 5 pages of essay for today, about politics. explains the headache. good night.

love,
yvonne.

Love and surprises

2011-10-16T02:23:00.003+08:00

so last week we all headed to a friend's house at hartamas, it was a birthday surprise for his girlfriend. 1st to 3rd picture showed how impatience i was in waiting that i ended up munching on half of his cheezel kept in a cute purple tupperware. which, he later found out when the pictures were uploaded to facebook.

so many parties and surprises this week (not forgetting the drinking), everything seemed so hectic. i don't even feel like i had a term break. so the week is ending, and we're all resuming back to where we paused. picture posts will start reducing from now on. hahahahah

Happy Birthday to all the wonderful people this week.
Jackson, Suyin, not forgetting Felicia.
Enjoy all you can age is just a number.

love,
yvonne.

Mama

2011-10-15T00:46:00.002+08:00

this is my mother, and i really love her.

missing my family members badly tonight, the once in a blue moon home sick is striking. ♥

Thoughts for the day

2011-10-14T03:18:00.003+08:00

i think i really need to resolute a couple of things:

1. to not spend so much, i guess new hair has to wait.
2. to keep assignments on track, 1 more to go so far!
3. to be more of a happy person and not care too much, because most of the time, it goes haywire.

not wanting to be an emo bitch, but recently i find myself so affected by words and people. listening to sad songs even make me feel so #forevoralone. also i miss my family a lot, wish everything is doing great back there.

how about everyone? is everything doing fine? i sincerely hope so.

love,
yvonne.

Melacca Malaysian study trip 2011

2011-10-13T04:45:00.001+08:00

i assume that this would be my last malaysian studies trip for my entire life *if only i pass, gulp* last week we headed to melacca for a short study trip. we were supposed, i repeat, supposed, to research about the place and understand a little more about the culture. APPARENTLY. we're too confident that google will be very efficient in doing our job, we ended up entering nearly every restaurant and food shops we came across with.

i think this was a really special trip, i shall not be such an asshole and be a little more detailed on this post. also picture courtesy to my dear classmate jeff who did not show up in any of the pictures because he was the photographer for the day.

woke up at 5, got ready by 6, reached before 7 at college. this is the kinda face you'll get.

this was when we just arrived. i was still having the thought of carrying off our responsibilities in doing our so called, research. which obviously, is shown in this picture - that i got frustrated cz no one was really listening. everyone was starving and were really desperate for some nonya food.

ok from here i really lose count with the sequence so yea, it doesn't matter i'll just explain all the pictures. btw, group shoot without jeff. and second picture, without me and jeff. because leeyang's hair is too much of a pineapple.

don't ask me why shirin frowns and does a disgusted face in most of the upcoming pictures.

except this one maybe.

ashley was really excited with the koi fishes that spits water beside the fountain. ended up the camera was flooded with gazillion pictures of her trying to do a male style pee shot. and im trolling around as usual.

heres a funny one, first picture shows how everyone is panicking over the durian cream puff that fell on daphne's dslr. and second picture shows that while we're being so depressed over it, shirin was busy munching on the pineapple tart testers.

the man and 2 of his women.

leeyang pulling off an intimidated smile.

another group shot without jeff. from left ya'll know, eujiin. then daphne who somehow posed like a body builder. leeyang is next who always owns an intimidated smile. behind leeyang is elain, gorgeous, gorgeous single lady, front row are ashley, me and shirin, which, i have no idea why are we so far away from our man. lastly behind me is michelle who spent nearly the entire trip searching for classic coke can for her beloved boyfriend.

gansta. ps he's really proud of this picture at first. until i mention how he look like he's a body guard trying to keep the paparazzi away from me.

infront of the well known wheel. crap i don't even know the name. *does awkward laugh*

somehow ashley look very different here but yes, still a picture worth remembering.

sweating all over, explains why i tied my hair up later on.

marah lagi.

HAHAHAHAH ANTM STYLE PHOTOSHOOT. with our tapaus and tart. i love this picture.

oh, theres another closer shot.

me.

me and my compass.

huge ass retarted photo of, me.

me and my compass, again.

hahahahahah my compass, ashley.

me.

me and, forgot her name. kidding, shirin, my lesbian partner.

me.

us.

we.

food.

so sleepy, night!

love,
yvonne.

Mirror mirror on the wall

2011-10-11T01:52:00.000+08:00

in the end of every single day, i have so many things in my head that i wish i could literally utter out here. i am still a happy kid now don't get me wrong. but i find things changed. i changed. i think its just the time of the year. personally i have this very strange moment that happens annually where i'll snap and suddenly realize, owh, this is what i learnt. last year i learnt how running away from things does not solve anything. i turn out so eager in being you know, so intimidating in fixing everything.

i picked up every little small pebbles i find by the side of the river, and by the time when i reach the opening of the river, facing the big sea, i realize im too heavy to even float. i sunk so deep i can hardly even breath. it went on for a year, i choked and choked. struggling.

today, apparently i survived. i really did learnt something. i can't find the right words. but its there. i can feel it.

everytime i look back at my old entries, i find it was written by a completely different person. they're like words from a stranger i barely even know. good or bad i'm not sure what category it falls into. sometimes i think i am just waiting for an answer from someone i don't know.

no i'm not pushin. but i'm walking on a thin line.
i can barely recognise myself anymore.

Ashley's 19th Birthday

2011-10-10T04:13:00.002+08:00

PJ street - Reggae bar

these are a part of those decent shoots i have on my computer. minus the vomiting and weird guys approaching it was an awesome night out. i really hope the birthday girl ashley enjoyed herself. xx happy 19th! i love you and hopefully, you'll get drunk again next year.

love,
yvonne

I would write if I could

2011-10-09T23:15:00.002+08:00

but right now i'm just so bad at words that i couldn't even write a sentence without it sounding weird.

ps, huge ass picture of me to ease your thirst.

Wednesday night

2011-10-05T22:33:00.000+08:00

went drinking with the college peeps (finale) and thank god everything went awesomely well. some lost their clubbing virginity and managed to got everyone into the dance floor. it was an awesome satisfaction deep within. hahaha

birthday girl ashley got really kinky after the boozes and really hope she enjoyed the night.

more updates on this soon. toodles.

love,
yvonne

Q&A

2011-10-03T23:47:00.004+08:00

Q: why is your dark circles so bad? sleep early!

A: i get asked a lot by people about my dark eye circle. so i figured out that i should drop by and answer this really quickly. the thing is, even if i sleep early, it doesn't help my dark eye circles. it is, yes, hereditary. it runs in the family. unfortunately, i am also born with pretty thin skin so yea, veins and vessels can be clearly seen if you look at my bare face (without make up) from near.

sadly i had tried different concealer through out the years and really, non of them really worked well on concealing my so called imperfection. after all these while i'm deciding whether to drop by sephora (since that now they finally opened up a branch here, to pick up a skin corrector and a concealer. oh or maybe bobbi brown. *cough* after i checked out the prices and also till i get my allowance of course.

so by then, IF, im not too lazy, shall post up a review about it or maybe a video to help out those who has similar problems as me. i find all these years i never really get any help from youtube or any makeup tutorial sites because its either the make up brands they used in their tutorials are normally for caucasian skin tones, or either, my problem is just too horrible to be saved. its pretty saddening at times.

no worries! people who asked me about my, ahem, imperfection, i don't take it as an offence. i am super used to it and most of the time i'll just answer 'oh, im on drugs'

toodles!

love,
yvonne

Faces and pictures

2011-10-02T04:03:00.000+08:00

to be honest i really don't have the urge to blog right now, my state of mind have reached a stage where i don't know what im doing. if it wasn't because i have to keep my blog running for sake of getting more adverts, i would just hope to bed and sleep everything off.

will put more effort in writing some other day. meanwhile let me entertain you with pictures instead.

pictures from september. october, treat me well please.

human labour w/ shirin.

chocolate vanilla panda cookies which i introduced to lots of people.

the boyfriend's mother's brother's old friend's wedding night.

candid while eating. so gorgeous.

le gurlz in college.

last but not least, here is a stupid picture from the man's terengganu trip.

according to him he was checking out a water bug.

caption: foreveralone.

being single for 3 and a 1/2 days

2011-09-27T17:56:00.002+08:00

there are so many things lining up in my to do list. this is very bad *smacks face*

a little too late for this but yea.

once the only thing i pray is for us to last the year. because mainly i never had anything like that, also previously things always ended up like an hourglass. how its always short, and it goes on repeatedly. explains why i was really in an unbelievable state when we manage to watch all these months shrug off our shoulders like dust. before we know it, a year had passed.

i guess i had not been blogging too much about my relationship after we officially entered the 'comfort' stage. but i can assure the feelings never change from the first time he took my hands. just like any normal pairs out there, we been through ups and down throughout the year. i guess one of the visible changes is on how he is slowly taking the lead in our relationship.

which is good, because it just proves and stands for how i always define a relationship. they always said you don't right away get a diamond, you have to polish the rock you picked up from the ruins. clishe as it may sound, its really true.

for this one year, i am really thankful having him by my side, all the time. and hopefully, we have many more anniversaries to come. cheers!

ps: he's out on a study trip to terengganu for 3 days 2 nights and mean while, the younger brother is performing well in taking good care of his sister from another mother. i must have been a really good girl in my previous life to deserve so much love. (delusional) also, being in the comfort zone also means less taking pictures together. so here is an old picture of us looking just like now, happy.

toodles!

Bossa Nova

2011-09-25T02:27:00.000+08:00

title means nothing. i cant think of any appropriate title, and coincidently i was listening to some bossa nova while rolling some joints. HAHHAHAHAHAHA kidding.

i shall not apologize for frequently updating my blog with my huge ass camwhore shoots.

anyway, just, a random fact, if anyone even care.
i call this type of eyeliner style, which i hardly even wear, the asian eyeliner.
no offence but this type of eyeliner style is the type where you can find in korea/jap music videos.

HAHAHHAHAHA SOUND SO STEREOTYPIC
but *cough*, i really love it.

i do realize how different i look in webcam shoots. mainly because i can see the right angle and also,take my own sweet time finding the perfect lighting and shit. HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA SORRY. i just laughed at how sad my life is.

just incase anyone thinks i'm like, a super cheater, wannabe or wtv, here is a more normal picture of me in a totally different make up. ok fine, the only resemblance i have with the webcam whore shoots are on the eyebrows. #story of my life

toodles!

size weight and number

2011-09-22T22:08:00.002+08:00

i had always been very open about my weight and body size. i constantly talk about it on blog or even, real life.whenever people tell me things like im thin or anything like that i usually wont go all dramatic and defensive, because i know thats the truth. i did lost a couple of kilograms recently and i think it has something to do with me copping up with stress. when i am depressed, i eat double the amount of food and loss triple the amount of fats. yes, very abnormal and i know how many people envy such metabolism.

the thing is, i learned how to be oblivious about my weight, size and everything. until lately, more and more people are telling me that, im looking more and more anorexic. especially the boyfriend's brother who name me as, the walking stick. i have not reach the so called tumblr like girls where they can hurl up their legs in the middle of no where and still look so small skinny and tiny, so no worries. but yes, the fact that i am losing weight can be visibly seen on my arm area and really, sometimes when im doing my business in the washroom or anything like that, i cant help but to stare at my arms shoulder part feeling disgusted and freaked out.

i have no intention of saying this to make anyone jealous or so on. but right now i am kind of struggling with an issue that i always thought i would never have a problem with, again. everytime i feel too skinny i eat massively more to make sure i gain back a little. but then later, honestly, i get scared again that my imbalance way of consuming will affect how my body work and i'll gain too much instead. its like the left and right side of my brain is constantly battling to eat more or less.

am i having eating disorder? ==

yea i used to be so carefree about things like that, but yea, i think all the skinny bitches on tumblr and all the obsessions with losing weight around is starting to get me.

ngehhhhhh. say hi to pinky promise.

le' Quotes

2011-09-21T11:38:00.001+08:00

“Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline.When you have both firmly under your belt, that’s real power.”

—	Clint Eastwood

“Depression is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign you have been strong for too long.”

—	Author Unknown

“For those who judge, I ask: How do you know the truth from a lie?For those who assume, I ask: Why believe something, if you’re unsure?The truth is only for the participants of the experience.”

—	Tshombe Kelly (Sarah’s Diary)

“There’s going to be a lot of changes in your life Cory.It’s not the changes that matter, it’s how you react to the changes.That’s what makes you who you are.”

—	Eric Mathews, Boy Meets World.

“Time was like a relentlessly needy lapdog one had to haul around.It barked too much and had no sense of loyalty.”

—	Jim Carroll, The Petting Zoo

“Sleep is my lover now, my forgetting, my opiate, my oblivion.”

—	Audrey Niffenegger—The Time Traveler’s Wife

“in three words I can sum up everything I know about life: it goes on.”

—	Robert Frost

“Sorry if I sound so filled with gloom, you say you care and I know you do but this is from my experience and my conclusion only makes sense. Just cause I love you and you love me, it doesn’t mean that we’re meant to be..I can climb mountains, swim cross the seas, but the most frightening thing is you & me..”

—	Jazmine Sullivan “Lions, Tigers, and Bears”

“The problem with time, I’ve learned … eventually time always runs out.”

—	Nicholas Sparks, “Dear John”

“twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. so throw off the bowlines. sail away from the safe harbor. catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover.”

—	Mark Twain

“…the habit of falling hardens the body, reaching the ground is, in itself, a relief.”

—	Jose Saramago, Blindness

“

Four Lessons on Life

1. Never take down a fence until you know why it was put up.

2. If you get too far ahead of the army, your soldiers may mistake you for the enemy.

3. Don’t complain about the bottom rungs of the ladder; they helped to get you higher.

4. If you want to enjoy the rainbow, be prepared to endure the storm.

”

—	Warren Wiersbe

“You made me hate my own reflection, question every choice I make, so I could try to be perfect, but I will try to be fake.”

—	Sleeping With Sirens

“Whenever we make mistakes, we need to apologize and then we need to move on. We must try to accept the changes in our lives or choose to trust an old enemy or learn to stop fighting our children’s battles. But, sometimes the pain we caused is so great, there is no moving on.”

—	Mary Alice Young, Desperate Housewives

“The world is full of broken things. Broken hearts, broken promises, broken men, broken people. I am broken, and I have broken in return. Now I wonder how much hurt can be visited upon others before the universe takes action, before some outside force decides that enough has been endured.”

—	John Connolly

story of my life

2011-09-20T10:14:00.001+08:00

things happen and often we cant do anything but to just shrug it off our chest eventhou thats the last thing we want to do. petty things can actually become so out of control and it depresses me because i think im too that kind of person to keep everything in hand. but then yes, who are we to change people's perception and hope that they might think the same as you do. i do know the term about how being nice to a person that dislikes you is not considered fake, but grown up. its just sometimes the way they behave makes me wonder what did i do to deserve so. i always thought coming here would be for the better. apparently im kinda wrong.

i guess to be happy now is the only thing i find relevant to keep whats left of me alive. to think that there are people who still understands and still stick with me keeps me strong from all these nonsense that bind me so much to other's perspective and opinions.

this year is just not a really good year. i lost a friend and i think i am losing another one. great. its more than just discarding someone out from your life that simple. its so complicated and it comes with so much emotions. oh how i wish i could just make every single one of them sit down and talk it out. thou whats been going on lately just tells me that i should just, so called, leave everything to the hands of god. which totally doesnt apply on me as i dont really have a specific religion eventhou how much i believe god exist.

yes i know his always up there but sometimes, the storyline im plotted for is just too, rubbish.

i am lied to, faked to, but yet i'm always around because i believed that one day things might change. just like what a friend of mine say, change are constant, and most of the time we hoped its for the better. i guess im hoping too much. maybe shutting up is not the right thing to do. i don't know what to do, really, honestly.

also to know that how much of a stupid people could think i am just makes me wanna laugh and cry.

life is too much of a bitch.

My cawaii top

2011-09-19T00:57:00.000+08:00

sleeping in a cute top tonight, so that i can dream of cute things.

ps: LAN sub at 8 and presentation at 9. in da morning.

1 joint and im off. xx

The brother from another matha

2011-09-18T02:59:00.001+08:00

awkward moments + happy moments

2011-09-16T00:53:00.001+08:00

i thought of placing my assignments as my priority for this couple of days, but then there is always a BUT. blog is getting a little too dead, so.... updates!

for this week,

awkward moments are
- realizing i have to be alone for a few hours because the time difference between the man and i is very very blah
- walking through the foyer crowds in some really super SUPER short track shorts
- having to explain my ink to new moral class friends
- walking in moral class late, as always
- bumping into the same group of people again and again in the cafeteria
- to present something that has nothing to do with design in moral class
- to answer a question that involves my political views
- to scratch my nose in the car and realize it looks like i am digging my nose
- stuck in jam beside a very horny looking middle age man staring at my direction

surprised moments
-when the man bought my favourite panda cookies

woah, what a week. == urgh, *back to work*

new blog UP!

2011-09-09T01:22:00.004+08:00

I decided to create another blog that works as a portfolio but right now i'm struggling with the copyright issues. i'm too lazy to insert watermarks into my pictures. bahhhh

anyway, it'll be complete soon, right now it is still under construction but i really do appreciate if you guys drop by and have a look. :)

http://yvonnetart.blogspot.com/

formspring nut heads

2011-09-07T07:59:00.002+08:00

did my visitor rate went down because i dont post many pictures of myself anymore? my nuffnang ad just stopped working. you guys are horrible.

what-evuh, this post comes at 0725 in the morning because i just got ditched by a lovely friend who choose not to break her awesome relationship with her bed and sneak behind classes. sigh, i really wish i own a driving license. *end of bimbotic rants*

anyway, formspring.

i really understand the curiosity feeling that forms between yourself and someone you basically aware of their existence yet never interact before in real life. easier way of speaking, its like stalking a person's blog or twitter yet never had the chance to say hi in real life.

i really do. i read blogs of people that i never talk to, secretly admiring them and their lives. and when i get to meet them i feel so awkward and disgusted with myself because i know so much about them.

im not trying to say im famous but i believe there are people out their who actually stalks this blog in a way because one thing about blogs is, it helps you in taking a tour ride through someone's life.and hello whos not interested.

and then comes the judgemental part.

hell this girl been to a lot of places she must be filthy rich.

hell this girl got inks all over the family must have disowned her.

hell this dude is smoking hot yet he's single, gay fosho.

then they created formspring.

a site where you could ask questions as anonymous.

apparently, i made an account last year. i deactivated it, and activated it again due to some personal reasons. i, really, receive a lot of weird questions and sometimes they annoy the hell out of me.

are you virgin?

do you shave?

do you dig your nose and eat your booger afterwards?

anything you could possibly think of

you might be like, if you hate these so much why don't you just deactivate your account again.

honestly, i love answering questions. i'm that type of person that loves talking about myself. not about how many cars i own or how many social network friends i have; but small silly things like how i pee in my uniform when i was in kindergarten or how i used to be so rebellious with my dad and yet not it turns out just fine.

personal, personal advices and things like that.

its disappointing to actually know, those who reads my blog and then choose to ask questions like that in my formspring are actually more interested with my virginity and the size of my boobs instead of, my life.

am or am not a virgin, its totally non of your concern. shave or not. it won't affect the air around you. sometimes curiosity is better off placed in a more proper place, so that you could actually decrease the rate of your stupidity.

love.

commitments

2011-09-05T05:49:00.001+08:00

i feel so locked up lately. staring at at the same things, same people, same responsibilities and same lifestyles. this is exactly how i felt a year back,just before i left and came, here. i have a really big problem with commitments, and recently, i find myself nothing but boring. in my previous 18 years of life, i really hate having commitments with everything. it was something i always thought as an excuse, for people who are afraid that they might run out of reasons to stop loving someone; or maybe just in case they stop passionately doing something they believe they love.

i ran away most of the time, i hate having to bond or maybe to do something i vainly thought i could handle at the first place. in the end i usually ended up with nothing. even so, i was always okay with it. because honestly, i am pretty much free spirited. i can ditch nearly anything. somehow theres another me inside me that can bound to almost, nothing.

almost.

and then i make up another excuse, that this is just a process while i am in search for my true self. resulting me always feeling so lost and to belong no where else besides being next to my family. in the end of every chaos and dramas i had i always find myself running back to them. later, i repeat the whole entire cycle again.

i feel so tied up these days. and i think i changed a little too much just to adapt my social life. im starting to lose myself. the difference is, this time, im not running away. my mission is basically just to search for a balance between being myself, and being in this commitment i'm making.

a year ago i was a pathetic single, no offence to any awesome singles out there but my previous love stories was just, bleh. and then i made a commitment, so i flew half of the country. which lead to me finding someone, someone i never knew i would still be sticking with after nearly 1 whole year. so i made another.

to be frank i do feel like running away at times. cause i really think i cant handle shit. i want to do what i do best. being oblivious, and to avoid. just so that i can be the cool chick i always was and be so motherfucking i dont give a shit to anything in life.

people grow up i guess. i think, i just have to find myself while being tied up to things. some things that i just have to be a big girl and be responsible at. after all, they said marriage don't just work out because they are meant to be, but because it involves 2 people that are willing to fight for everthing. also no one promised me my future would be easy peasy, still i choose it without second thoughts, out of passion.

i still don't like commitments, but i cant ignore that the bounty in the end, is really really big.
it could be everything.

Pretty little things

2011-09-04T02:09:00.001+08:00

im sorry if i sounded like some kind of weird person, but i realize there are so many many random pretty faces on my desktop. how can some people be so incredibly beautiful.

:)))))))))))))

love and fresh air

2011-09-01T07:53:00.000+08:00

i stay up to watch lights creep in through the small gaps between the curtains and the windows. as well, i make use of these moments to think of things that i don't really want to think of in daily basis. today, i think of how 'love', comes with so many other things. i think only recently i came upon to my realizations that, insecurity happens in people because they are scared. obviously.

sometimes, you love someone so much that you forgive them the moment you found out they betrayed your trust; you accept them the moment you realize they will not be able to live to your expectations. and yes, thats what scares most of us. the capability and the capacity of our love.

some people are even scared to say the 3 words, because they know what it means and who knows what kind of things it comes along. you'll never ever get to know your package until it is delivered to your doorstep. oh how they sing about love and how we should take risks and just fall to see who catches us.

ironically, i wrote something similar once.

thou i've been thinking, like i said. and yes, sometimes, we just don't want to fall. basically not all of us are gamblers. and even if its already a point of no return, we still, tend, to reconsider things. the truth is, love and fresh air is just not enough to keep a person, or 2 person, alive.

ATTENTION

2011-08-27T17:43:00.003+08:00

guys, i do reply comments and i really really appreciate them :)

i'll try to find a way where all the latest comments received will be displayed on the sidebar to make things easier. meanwhile do check back on the post where you posted any questions or stuffs like that cz yea, i do read and reply them.

another thing. i do have a formspring account so if you wouldn't mind, it'll be so much easier if you're willing to throw your questions there instead :3

the anticipation for an 8am class

2011-08-26T02:48:00.002+08:00

i have like an 8am class later and here i am. i manage to be pretty productive today just by staying in bed. did a little research on human trafficking for my assignment which is pretty much saddening, solved a problem i had with a pal, also get in touch with a couple of old friends.

i guess sometimes some things are better off let go. memories will remain thou, always.

now a few pictures i ripped off from facebook to make my blog not too boring.

erm yea, that is the pretty lady who constantly appears on my blog and facebook.

do check out her blog [click]

one of my great friend back home.

been quite broke lately, once i'm done with all these financial related problems, i swear i'm going off for a break. i need one badly. maybe i should head down kl for a shopping spree, or maybe plan a little photo shoot, a road trip sounds pretty nice too. mm, food hunting definitely.

alright, thats all for now, xx.

changes

2011-08-25T03:29:00.000+08:00

the constant cracking sound coming from the air conditioner sound really loud when it comes to these hours. everything in the room is basically still except me and the tarantula that we just fed a couple of days ago. its probably chewing at the remaining of those poor little crickets. a little toe here and maybe half a head there. i know i did it again. my 'hiatus' always wont work longer than 3 days. and when i really wanna be gone, i'll just disappear for few days without prior notice. fickle minded as always.

i finally attended full classes for, yesterday, considering the fact that its already way past 12 right now. ever since college started i really feel demotivated and i can never last more than 1 class for a day. which is horrible. and my mum will probably text me after reading this because i know she kinda stalks my blog. love you mummy. *flips hair and change topic*

recently i've been thinking, instead of losing my designing passion, i think the real thing that i lost is the feel of hope and excitement with this chapter of life. i remember how happy i felt, i love everything i do no matter how tiring it is. and then all the unexpected kicks in. sometimes, i really do think i made my life a little miserable. i start to lose balance in between things that it clouds my judgement in deciding what is more important for me. all the grudge, anger, sadness and sorrows is swallowing up every bit and pieces of hope i brought here along with me.

recently, i learnt to outlook things. like how some things cannot be changed, and how some things will never be in control. i watched this video posted up by a friend which is kinda irrelevant in a way because its about 1malaysia which is pure bullshit, but what really hit me is the moral message within. it started off with a bunch of random people popping out and then they start apologizing for all the wrong things they've been doing daily. for example like how impatient they get when they drive, how they disappoint their parents or how they support other teams instead of their own country's harimau malaya.

heres a quick flash of self realization. i am sorry for taking my talent for granted, i always knew i could push myself further but i never try. i am sorry for being so cocky to my parents that i can handle things here alone where i pretty much screwed up a lot of it and they helped me set things back in place. i am sorry for people's love and generosity and honestly, i'll try my best to repay everything if i could. i am sorry for being such a bitch and i say things out of anger at times. i am sorry that i never called dad just to ask him how is he instead of asking him for more money. i am sorry i've been such a brat that i spent a lot on unnecessary things. i am sorry that i take my health for granted when people are dying out there. i am sorry for hating my lecturer eventhou right now i still think i have a point in what i stated, still i forgot how many wonderful things they thought me. i am sorry for blaming my failure in managing my time -to- having too many friends that i find it annoying.

there are so many more of it. and most of it, i think i owe it to myself and my family. 'we can't change the past, but we can brighten up the future'. things been changing lately. at least thats what my senses are telling me. maybe sometimes changes aren't really bad. maybe they're for the better. and i think i am taking these chances for improvements. definitely starting off with myself.

maybe a red hair for a start :) nah, i'll start off with my studies. i have to pick myself up.

love, xx.

hi there stalkers

2011-08-24T00:25:00.000+08:00

like a sailing boat, it flows along with the stream. if, you even know what kind of ship im sailing on, and what kind of stream im talking bout. laziness has officially creep into my soul. having one of my artworks placed in the galleria- not overwhelmed at all. i am just too uninterested with anything right now. should pick myself up and force myself to be motivated. i am taking a hiatus. till then. xx

back, inside out.

2011-08-17T03:03:00.002+08:00

if that, even make sense.

sorry for not updating. why the fuck am i apologizing. lets start over again. im not updating because i've been lazy these days. i dont even have enough time to get the right amount of sleep yet. yes i am back to the hectic side of my world and ignoring the fact that i miss my kk friends and family hell much, i'm still glad that i'm back into his arms. ew why did i even said that.

yes it was a birthday surprise which is why, i did not blog anything about the flight changes. oh yea i didnt even blog about going home earlier. == was basically back home for the past 3 weeks. it was awesomeeeeee, meeting new people and catching up with the old ones. lost a couple of weight due to dad's healthy regime in his cooking. spent most of the night roaming around the quiet streets and also gossiping about everything to my mum. its was very well spent.

oh dont said i dont eat cause i do.

also i got inked again at my usual tattoo parlour. the story of my new ink is quite funny and, 'accidental'. which, i will choose to tell it next time. maybe like, 10 years later. @daphne_loh would know what i mean. *insert stupid tumblr meme*

hmmmm my mind is empty. i think i should get some sleep before my breakout gets even worse. so.... tata for now.

love

i watch you when you're sleeping

2011-08-14T00:21:00.003+08:00

ehy bi ma bebeh

big ass motherfucking pictures of me so that you can fantasize about me.

i think its a part of my pet peeves

2011-08-08T23:37:00.003+08:00

i dont even know should i be saying this, but today i find myself not wanting any friends. i find it a burden out of the blue. i think i grew pretty cold hearted after coming back home this time. i guess i really did grew tired of people. i am generally speaking so if you want to let me make you feel like crap feel free to delusionally divert everything on to yourselves.

people just won't get it. and it irritates, no, more of like, it disgust me in so many ways that i feel like im gonna puke blood. im gonna share a few, definitely, with my shameless personality my hating range is way more wider than what im gonna mention next. but... oh well, my blog anyway.

INDECISIVE personalities irritates the shit out of me. whenever people ask you something, YES, or NO. even if you fucking need time to think set a time limit and inform others that you will get back to them. whats worst is, 'i get back to you later' normally means, i don't really want to do this and im gonna see if i have better things to do afterwards WHICH if i have any im just gonna completely forget about this and thus getting back to you was a lie. i know a lot of us tend to do this once in a while, but some people just DO IT TOO OFTEN.

IRRESPONSIBLE. peeps who knows or aware that they disses people off which later tries to pretend that they got nothing to do with it and pushes it onto someone else's shoulders. a mistake is obviously a mistake. big or small a mistake IS a fucking mistake. when you do what i already mentioned, what makes you think, that others deserve to always bear with your everything. this also comes along with heck lots of excuses and normally people like that denies in making any. forever behind a thin shield.

SPONGES. people needs to have more originality. yes we do live in a world where everything is copied from one another. but isnt it kinda horrible when you will actually go to such great extend (whether you realize or unrealized) to copy people's entire package? from the looks till the way they dress and then the way they talk and present themselves. if we're to talk about details there goes, facebook statuses, camwhore angles and so on.

EFFORTLESS human beings. alwayssss expecting people to do something for them first. also they will never go over the boundaries of contributing more to people. they will only give back the exact amount the received. if you realize you're someone like that, and you have true friends. be very thankful. although i think most of you people will not give a shit because sometimes a little bit of effort is too much for your ego and pride.

PESSIMISTS, once in a while its okay to be sad or angry. but to be sad and angry until one point you are being a complete downer is just too much. be aware that your emotions effect people around you. sometimes life doesnt do you right does not mean it gave the rest of us everything we wanted. there are people around who are trying to be strong even when their love one died or maybe they got their dreams shattered into pieces. who gives you the rights to throw your emotions and your faces all around the place just because you think your own problems are the biggest ones ever.

no one is perfect, but at least never stop trying in becoming a better person. be yourself, but that does not mean people's opinions are always wrong or bad. i am a bitch, but dont think i take it as something bad, that word dont really work for me.

i smell like poop now. haters gonna hate.

over and out xx

saturday night sunday morning

2011-08-07T03:18:00.031+08:00

a short update of whaddap today.
in da club like j lo.

near or far i've always miss her.

gonna miss her even more when we're soon to be far apart.

clishe but yea, love her.

anyway, feel like talking. people ask me why do i not show interest with peeps that hit on me.

the thing is, i think i mentioned before in one of my previous post. that i had foreseen reality of society. not trying to praise myself or whatsoever you think im attempting. i wont go ''i feel so bad that im this pretty', but yea, i always return the question by saying 'do you think, that one day, i wake up and i completely lost this face, they will still talk to me?'

the answer is pretty obvious. and im not trying to said all humans are like that, but yea, majority.

like i said i once gained a couple of weight and it was obvious on my appearance. it shows as well on my so called 'stock market'. we can all deny but yea, somehow a part of us always knew that this is the truth. you're not appealing enough, you don't get free drinks or invitations.

i was very disgusted when i first realize the ugly truth. but i learned to live with it. people, especially girls, we have to learn how to love ourselves instead of putting too much expectation on good things that are 'bound' to happen. there is always at least that one person who loves you for who you are.

we all know about these. like how stupid is the society these days. instead of fighting it, we choose to just follow the flow. appearance is something important of course, but you have to find yourselves in it.

dont ever loss yourself to people that don't REALLY care about you.

complete randomness

2011-08-03T04:08:00.002+08:00

pretend that you're sitting in a coffee shop with me right now, and our conversation has zero sense of direction. i completely lost my senses in blogging and i have to admit i really dont have the passion at the moment. thus, i came up with this idea- that is to talk about completely random things with you people, personal or impersonal.

first of all,

i've been tumblr-ing and i came across this freaking cute interior design for a bedroom. i showed the man and he was like, its cool but it's too small. i know a lot of people they're always a big fan of wide and spacious bedrooms. am i the only one who like compact spaces? i think i have some sort of phobias with wide and empty spaces. it intimidates me. rooms like these heals my insecurities. ok, im putting this in my list for future. *writes in wish list*

oh also, something random just came up. i think i should open up a blog just for the sake of writing my plans and also some picture guidelines for what i want to OWN in future. i think it'll also irritates the man cause imagine like i put a lambo picture in it he'll be like, i have to work 24-7 starting, from, tomorrow.

kidding with the princessy fantasies.

10 DAYS NOW. i survived 10 days in this place. went for a little drinking last week and i was NOT THRILLED AT ALL to see like, everyone. i dont mean to sound rude but honestly, its very weird to meet up with some old friends.

well, you know those kind of friends where the conversation you guys had throughout highschool was mainly based on only HI and BYE? yea, that kind of friend. its even more surprisingly to actually see everyone sort of changed. im not saying its a bad thing for their changes but yea, i never agreed its a good change neither.

anyway pictures from alexis cause shes like so pretty that i have to photoshop my redness away.

i hate taking clubbing pictures. cz even a little alcohol turns me into a tomato. im thankful thou that i can drink pretty much and my rebound rate is as fast as a jet. yea you dont need to know all these but told cha this blog post is completely random.

speaking of drinking, right now i am drinking something my dad made for me- some tongui or wtv bitter thingy which is apprently good for health. mmm, always brought up the chinese way.

then man's life is like freaking sad cause now what he does is basically stay at home and wait for people to call him when they have nothing better to do. oh yea, and you guys wonder why i call him THE MAN - its because i am not very very much comfortable with writing pet names like, boo baby cuppacake honeypie darling sweetass or long dick in public. another thing, its something me and my girls (so called bffs but they hog my boyfriend more than i do) been calling him ever since, we start college.

SO, its like totally copyrighted okay. go call ur bf something else.

also after watching mr poppin penguins starring jim carrayyyyy, bff totally has a new defination to me. BIG FAT FRIEND. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH kidding. girls, dont starve and die, i love you people.

owh woah im like super active right now i can't stop my fingers.

love.

a two person thing

2011-07-30T03:42:00.005+08:00

i am just wondering tonight, in this quiet night along with the man on the call, probably not even aware that im typing these. the blazing fan right in front of me somehow harmonizes with the thoughts in my head. we've overcome so much and now i still can't really believe that i nearly missed out that one person that has one of the highest possibility of me spending the rest of my life with. i just want to say how thankful i am. yes of course we been through rough times but they're really nothing because he always believes in us. even thou sometimes i have to admit i loss faith and like i said before, how our egos got the best of us. i always ended up trying to bail out from the entire thing because i will delusionally think everything seems like my fault and its my responsibilities to set things right. you know those kind of fight when two couples just totally loss themselves and start shitting every nonsense out of their respective mouth; all of a sudden, the guy will just grab her, kiss her till shes drunk and then make love to her. well, thats not really applicable to my love life but yea, every single time, we ended up hugging the other one halfway through a fight. i think to actually break into separate believes is not really our thing.

i share my real thoughts with him, everything. just for the sake he could become a better person and things like that, but sometimes, i get carried away, carried away by people's comments and opinions. i think i somehow ended up being just like the rest, hurting him in my own sort of way. still, he never stop loving and accepting. never once someone bail away from him which later comes back, he will reject. never. and thats why i've been thinking tonight. call me love drunk or anything you want to. my boyfriend is really someone worth fighting for..

and in future whatever it is or takes, i will fight for him.

wanna rant?

2011-07-28T01:57:00.000+08:00

wanna rant about life pal?

expecting better

2011-07-27T03:14:00.003+08:00

oh hi, writing again, this time out of passion.

4 days now, and i think you people can basically tell how bored i am being home. i finally realize how adapted i am towards the life on a 'fast lane'. not like on the road, as in like, i am so used to having a hectic life that right now when im back home and im supposed to use all the time i have for this entire hols to get enough rest as possible, IMPOSSIBLE. i am so sorry, but this place is entirely boring.

i wake up everyday and turn on my laptop, check my updates, do some chores and then head back for another 2 or 3 round of naps. when evening approaches i always, can't take it anymore, head out. i really want to spend more time with my family but urgh uerghhh erghhhhhh

i guess i must list down a couple of MUST DO things just incase i missed out anything. right now the only thing i have in mind is to visit my grandparents, also to hit the club with my mum like the old days. yes my mum is cool. erm ermmmm, try out all the foods i've been craving. erm... ermmmm!

nvm.

i miss my man and we skype everyday, well, only during midnight cause we're night owls. but yea, it helps. i visited the beach today, well, kinda, i went to sutera harbour and while i was waiting alone for shanna to fuck the gym, i really feel like bringing all of you (you know who you are) here. one thing i must admit, i never see sceneries like these there. the sea is awesome.

as usual, kk is being DRAMATIC. everything is so drama rama. i guess its just human nature. drama always happens in like one big circle. who likes who who fucked who whos gonna fuck who and who wants to be fucked. im just pretty surprise by how people here changed. shanna is still the same, trying to keep herself away from all this operas, i may not rub my face in but if you're reading this i just want you to know that im always here for you, literally. people have to stop 'cari pasal' with you man.

generally, everyone have to stop hating and move on. no one is happy. i'm just, sorry to say, thankful that i left. i know my name is still brought up once in a while for 'crimes' i never motherfucking commit. but yea, i don't really care anymore. i dropped out long ago and if haters gonna hate, i'll let it be.

i love this place actually, but sometimes i just hope the society here could improve.

all these drama bitches and ego over flooded dicks. hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

back to the life i had

2011-07-25T13:25:00.002+08:00

the toughest thing right now is that i'll not be able to cuddle with him whenever i want to, that's the hardest. not clingy, its just that, when you see someone day and night every single fucking day, one month seems more like a decade. listening to vanessa carlton's - thousand miles and suddenly everything just seems sappy. k loser.

this semester had been pretty tough for the both of us. we had arguments, lots and lots of it. due to the stress that we're both having for this long hectic semester and how sometimes your ego will actually make full use of the differences in between. but it was all well, in the end of the day, a sincere apology and the willingness to admit one's mistakes changes things. so yea, after finals, we made full use of the remaining 1 week and spent lots of quality time together. well of course it wasn't just about me and him.

there are so many awesome people that i manage to see and hangout with before actually leaving. thank you for squeezing time for me out of your busy schedules. so right now, im showing you a series of pictures, pictures, of me, looking absolutely, erm, gorgeous.

and yes thats how i behave infront of the man.

these are all compilations from genting and bukit jalil. decided in less than 10 minutes that we should go genting and the next thing i remember is that i'm in the car. the man's friend zhengkai was the one driving and one of my bestfriend, (apparently also both of their high school classmates), tagged along.

as for the girls, thanks to shirin, also, THE bestfriend i mentioned above, was willing to drive up and down to so many faraway places which i can totally feel that its super tiring. the funniest thing is in the end we still missed our klang seafood dinner, thanks to retarded gps.

yea we were planking like everywhere like a boss in genting and for this last picture, the man kinda fell asleep while planking. he was literally laying there for more than 10 minutes. dumb bag.

i miss him.

erm, hello?

2011-07-23T02:36:00.002+08:00

i think, i shall proceed to my next stage, being paranoid.

barbeque+birthday+end of semester

2011-07-22T05:01:00.000+08:00

so yea, back to being a free bird, for a month.

frankly i am very proud of my fellow coursemates and myself that we managed to overcame this assignment overflown semester. we all did a great job *insert big hugs* cheers for the things we learnt, not only from the course itself, but also in life. there are good and bad but most importantly, we survived.

in order to celebrate izzral's birthday in advance, which is, mm sorry im very slow in blogging, today. a small barbeque party was held today. it is considered one of the most successful ones we ever made *applause*

knowing you for a year now, it had been one of the greatest things in my life.
you may lose faith with us sometimes, but for you to know, we never stop loving you,
and we never ever will.

happy birthday love. :)

be strong, and all the best in life.

HI EVERYONE

2011-07-19T03:08:00.001+08:00

not been blogging, because, my final presentation is in 6 hours time,
wish me luck!

love

animals

2011-07-13T20:10:00.003+08:00

i always have this sort of soft spot for animals, all sort of animals. we're a part of the animalia kingdom, and we're supposed to be the wisest ones. yet sometimes, i feel like some of us could be the dumbest beings on the list, like, fo' real.

See this dog? He was ABUSED. Two drunk dumbells tied this dog to the back of their truck, “forgot that he was back there” and DROVE OFF!!! Luckily, the cops were called and this poor dog got the medical attention he needed! The dog is currently doing fine (despite the horrible looking wounds) and will be up for adoption as soon as his wounds completely heal.

it took me hours to wonder whats wrong with humanity. what happened to us?

i grew up, feeding stray kittens milk, jumping into drains to save lost puppies. and i can swear on the name of my whole family that i am not lying.

i may not be able to keep all the stray animals in this world as my pet, but i try my best to do what i am capable of. when i was in primary school, they give each and everyone of us free milks everyday, i dont like milk, but i keep them in my school bag. i bring back to my apartment and as my mum opens the door, i ask for a small container and some bread loaf.

i will fill the container with the milk i carried home and along with the breads, i went around searching for stray cats. yes, i feed them. i was only 7-8. and it was all out of love. recently i went for some photo shoot session with my pal and while we were searching for nice spots, i heard a cat calling for help inside a deep drain, i climbed in, trying all i could to get that kitty cat out. eventhou in the end it ran away ignoring me, making me look like im a pathetic loner in the drain, not forgetting my friend snapped a picture of me as well; i felt happy.

i watched this video on youtube, a dog was knocked down by a car, the other stray dog saw it from far and it went through the highway ignoring all the racing cars, just to drag the wounded one to the safe side of the road.

their brains are not as complicated as ours, once they have bond with humans, its, for life.

you cant keep all the animals in the world, but at least, dont abuse them.
do i even need to tell you this?

dont fucking ask me go be a vegetarian instead. you're gonna die anyway, why don't jump off a building now? you can't deny it's wrong, it's mother fucking wrong, to kick cats, burn dogs. lock them up in a cage and light them up. thats just stupid. motherfucking stupid.

let me do that to you.

OK IM BACK FOR THIS

2011-07-13T03:13:00.001+08:00

<a href="http://www.formspring.me/yvonnetan">http://www.formspring.me/yvonnetan</a>

eating my assignments as usual

2011-07-12T02:34:00.000+08:00

a video i did for my multimedia design subject, it made 1 of my friends cry.

which is, kinda over-rated. == but its ok i love you!

and yea, hope you all enjoy :)

when sean is around

2011-07-11T00:59:00.001+08:00

i rarely post any hang out pictures but for these past couple of days, im having this big bunch pictures of sean, the thing that came back from canada and is currently disturbing my dates with the man.

kidding.

i rarely have any dates with my man. (story of my life)

my all time favorite tarts! coming back all the way from canada and this is what he bought me instead.

also, a series of pictures that im too lazy to rotate and they all kinda has daphne's face in it.

ok bye.

love this 2 dude. and they dont even know each other.

knock knock

2011-07-10T18:56:00.001+08:00

awkwardly saying this, but i had been playing the 'knock knock whos there' game with my boyfriend for few days now. i know i know its very old. yet still, whenever one of us ask 'whos there?', we'll still crack up and start laughing like retards.

he loved it as much as i do, until the day when he's unaware that his mum was behind him while he was answering my knock knock with his hand flinging side after side, synchronizing with his, 'whos there'.

toodles.

yellow mellow

2011-07-09T17:59:00.001+08:00

MOST OF US, WE'RE TO PUSSY TO VOICE OUT AND ALL WE DO IS STAY HOME AND COMPLAIN WHY IS THE GOVERNMENT GETTING MORE AND MORE RETARDED EACH DAY, IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE SPIRIT TO FIGHT FOR YOUR LOVE ONES, AT LEAST YOU JUST STAY HOME AND SHUT UP INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING WHY IS #BERSIH CAUSING YOU SO MUCH HAVOC. THEY'RE WALKING THE RALLY WITH RISK, NOT ONLY FOR THEMSELVES ALSO FOR OUR RIGHTS. AT LEAST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND RESPECT THEM, ALSO PRAY THAT NO ONE GETS HURT.

PS IF YOU STILL BELIEVE IN THE GOVERNMENT YOU MUST BE PRETTY DUMB TO THINK THAT THROWING SMOKE BOMBS AT A HOSPITAL IS A PRETTY WISE THING TO DO.

quickie

2011-07-07T05:51:00.003+08:00

we wish we are more than who we are, all the time. things get tough and we blame everything on anything. i think i had always believe in myself- that i am capable in doing shits. resulting the ability to overcome obstacles without too much frust. flying off again soon and what really break my heart is not being able to have my snuggles and kisses everytime i wake up for one fucking month. signing off, submission in few hours time.

love.

pretty things

2011-07-04T04:50:00.003+08:00

these are really pretty dresses to be worn.
credits to: ohbabyitsnatalie

always find it fascinating, but the overexposed rate is OVER rated. you have to really have that kind of vintage sweet girl look to pull one off. dresses, ah ~ something i had not worn in ages.

getting a lil too feminine lately -.-

you like these too like me?

sleep deprived

2011-07-03T01:38:00.003+08:00

yeap, title says it all, and also it pretty much explains my unstable emotions lately. tried to be really productive this week but apparently im failing big time, things are not getting done and its annoying. what surprises me even more is that, i literally still has so much passion to redraw the portrait of megan fox.

this is the redraw version. now i look back at the previous one, i wonder what was wrong with me for drawing such nonsense. i really have to practice.

aite now, have to get back to my company profile. designing only texts is really tough. like, really really tough.

URGENT!

2011-06-29T02:42:00.001+08:00

So yea, a lil history about my boyfriend is that he used to keep reptiles as pets, and besides scaly reptiles, he also keep tarantulas. apparently college has been pretty tough, so he had to give up his hobby, and of course, he sold all his precious animals away. now all theres left, is this little twinky who is a Mexican redknee tarantula.

i am sorry if its not dog, er, or a cat, or like, a hamster. please dont freak out and read on.

before i start, let me roughly introduce twinky (why did i even came up with such name). it's real name is Brachypelma Smithi, and its a terrestrial tarantula native to the western faces of the Sierra Madre Occidental, and Sierra Madre del Sur mountain ranges in mexico.The mature Brachypelma Smithi has a dark-colored body with orange patches on the joints of its legs, the second element of the legs (the trochanter) is orange-red. Following molting, the colors are more pronounced. The dark portion is very black while the orange-red portions will be far more on the reddish side. An adult female has a body roughly 4 inches long, with a leg span of 6 inches, and a mass of approximately 15 grams. Both sexes are similar in appearance, with the male having a somewhat smaller body, but longer legs. Thus the male is of comparable size to the female, but has a significantly smaller mass. (..........more)

heres the thing, my boyfriend and i, both don't have the time to treat twinky like a king. and i feel so bad for it as we sort of watched it grow. from size the tip of your pinky finger it grew into this big. like, near to palm size. so, we really want to find a buyer for it. (desperate)

FOR, RM 300.

which, if you're an experienced tarantula keeper, would had known that it's a very very very good deal.

i gotta be frank, i am not that professional when it comes to animals, but twinky is a really a mild tarantula. it never bite my boyfriend and as for me, i never touch it (PUSS). right now we are keeping it in the washroom, which the man said its a pretty good thing either cz we're unsure of the gender and it might be a male. watching me shower everyday might boost up his health level or something. -.- spider porn.

ANYWAY, we kept it there not because we're cruel. its because it cannot be kept in a air conditioned room. so people, please take note. for all these while, we've been feeding, crickets and worms (those kind of glossy one that has like a thin layer of wax on them, shell i think) and if you buy twinky, it comes along with a container with white handle, which allows you to carry it to work, or college, and stuffs like that. NO, just kidding. tarantulas must not fall, or it'll die. Its not an insect, its an animalia.

SO PLEASEEEEEE,

if you're interested, kindly call this number 016-2383188, or maybe 016-8110606.

please bring twinky home :(

and oh oh! help me forward this post. reblog it on your blog, on your twitter, on your facebook, just puhleaseeeeeee. (insert desperate face)

To Do List

2011-06-28T01:26:00.001+08:00

#1, find out my flight date after so many months ignoring the fact that i have to go home.
#2, clean my room, move out.
#3, throw some old clothes :(
#4, if possible figure out something for the man for i'll not be around during his birthday.
#5, seriously get all the shits sort out (private)
#6, eat my assignments.
#7, eat my assignments.
#8, eat my assignments.
#9, eat my assignments.
#10, eat my assignments.

life.

woah its 9 months already

2011-06-26T04:48:00.001+08:00

and the feelings never change.
things might not be like in nicholas spark's movie, but yea, heart felt. (transmitting)

ps. i love you

Q & A

2011-06-25T05:51:00.004+08:00

assignments are hectic, and right now the one thats been really bothering me is the short movie one. we're entitled to make a short clip video about 'live your dreams' currently i am thinking about the most budgeting way. which is to cramp up videos of friends talking about what they want for their future and stuff, so guys if you're reading this, please don't turn me down alright when i reach out my trembling hands. :3

anyway, today i just feel like going through a couple of questions that is recently been asked by people. i know, random. just hope it helps.

Q: is designing course tough and hows the exams? school recommendations?
A: well basically, the art department is always separated into different courses. theres like, interior design, fashion design, fine arts and graphic multimedia design. the one i'm in is graphic and multimedia design and if you ask me why, thats because im more in love with creating contemporary packaging, publications, poster and stuffs like that. interior design so far might be the toughest one because it has a lot to do with measurements, details and architecture. yet when its about getting through college or uni, i think they all gives the same amount of stress. as for school, i wanted to go raffles international, but it was really expensive and unaffordable. so i ended up in sunway. i gotta be frank, its not really the best art school you can find, but i am happy here. :) raffles is famous for its fashion design, (as far as i know). and limkokwing is famous for its multimedia designs. they're very good with computer generated stuffs. the one, saito, or maybe kbu are the ones that hast good names either. if you're interested with arts, dont be shy to ask questions from experienced people, like people that are already working in this line. get an education consultant. which is mostly free from those education agency spots.

Q: what to you do for your course?
A: design? haha. typographies, packaging, photography,publication designs, graphic design, multimedia design. breaking things down might will make things very complicated but i can tell you, you will touch a lot of programs like adobe illustrator, photoshop, indesign and stuffs like that.

Q: do you work part time to support your expenses?
A: well i've been wanting a job ever since i got here. but getting the right one, which means it is able to let you attend classes, or spending enough time with your friends or maybe entertainments seems impossible. thus, joining college is really a different chapter in life. its not like high school. your expenses will surely go up. not forgetting to mention that if you're not local, like me. so its about managing your money wisely. something that i always fail to do. just keep in mind that your parents don't earn money easily and only spend them on necessary stuffs like foods and assignments materials.

Q: do you club often?
A: no, yes, no.. occasionally. i know i give people the impression that i party a lot. i used to. and then i learned about the important things in life. you don't find happiness by getting wasted and knowing lots and lots of people. you find happiness by finding the right friends, knowing the right things you're doing or supposed to do, or making people proud of you. you don't waste your money on booze, got wasted, next morning you wake up with a hangover and you go 'oh my god i was so happy'. i've been through. one thing about getting exposed early, is that you'll get sick of things earlier than others. when your friends start to get pump up by all this kind of social activities, you'll be the one whining and wanting to just stay home wrapped up in a blanket and spend the night watching ps i love you.

Q: how do you keep fit and healthy, or maybe loss weight?
A: i don't keep fit, and i am definitely the last person you wanna relate with health. my biological clock is screwed up, and i am here blogging at 5.12 in the morning.i don't exercise and yes i know its really bad, but i really don't have the time. when it comes to weight, i can talk to you whole day about it. i am not a supporter of people who don't love their sizes for who they are, but i have nothing against those who insist in changing it. as long as they dont go overboard by the influence of skinnybitches photos or maybe some anorexic blogs. i used to be pretty chubby, and i manage to lost some fats by drinking lots of green tea. hey, its good for your health and it helps. so why not give it a try. but yea, i did that by running hardcore-ly on a treadmill as well.

Q: but i am fat and no one wants to talk to me.
A: when i was pretty plump, my stock market went down like a waterfall rush. and yes, i gotta admit, with the poisoned society these days, you're not size zero, you're not pretty. and there are tons of skinny bitches out there who will give you the bitch stare if you're fat, or slightly coated with meat. which is plain stupid. pretty or not, they are all perceptions. who said you must be skinny to be perfect. yes i know what i am suggesting is useless. but i can tell you one thing - i lost weight to the size i am now, why didnt i continue to the perfect size zero? because i am loved for who i am. even if you loss massive weight, suddenly guys starts hitting on you and stuff even after you knew them for years, don't you find it weird? they don't love the inner you, they wanna fuck you. (ok language) but yea, tell yourself that. don't go around and tell people you're fat and that you feel bad about yourself. it hurts the people who loves you. there are kids out there who has no food to feed on that they have to consume on their own waste, and you wanna be the girl who skips her mum's hardly prepared dinner just that she can be like the rest of the pretty girls. you wanna skip meals? no, at least eat some meat and have lots of vegetable, you can skip the rice part out if you want to. and oh my god, soups. chinese herbal soup, they're not fattening and god they taste like heaven.

Q: how do you deal with your relationship?
A: i love eujiin, and yes he is not perfect. i did not ditch him even when he showed me his ugliest side. we always tell each other that we're keepers and never ever mention break up as if it means nothing. if things really don't work out in future, we'll find ways to deal with it no matter how hard it is. until one of us decided to stop trying, we won't stop loving. ok, goosebumps.

Q: can you accept lies in a relationship?
A: is that whats going on between you and your partner? owh. be prepared for the grand finale break up. communication, trust and honest plays important role in love. so yea, share your thoughts and feelings. instead of going around finding a diamond, pick a stone and start polishing it till it shines to your satisfaction.

Q: your favourite songs?
A: i am thankful i have friends that has awesome taste in music, and songs i listen to are mostly not in the radio chart. i like the script, muse, neon trees patd, maroon 5, adele and so many more. my genre is just too wide to describe. one thing funny is, i always go song hunting, and the songs that i'm hook with, mostly go boom in the next couple of months. then everyone that i showed the songs before will go 'hey, have you heard this before? this is some sick shit man!'

Q: are you a bitchy type?
A: if you piss me off, i can be. and you don't really wanna see that. i hate people messing with me, and my friends. like seriously, go fuck yourselves. i hate when people claim they aren't who they are, play with people's feelings. using guys to cover up just because they're not straight and HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH THE SAME SEX IS NOT CHEATING TO THE PEOPLE THAT FANCIES YOU. get a life. posting stupid stucked up video of people that does not support gays. we love them, but not you. you disgrace them and you don't deserve to be loved. stuck up bitch. / i also hate people who accused people for seducing their boyfriends and also calling people a bitch when they themselves acting like one. well if you can't fucking keep your boyfriend, then maybe your face and your personality is fucked. go get a new one for both of it. (roll eyes) and please, couples, don't fucking get the whole world involved into your own drama. go make peace and have sex okay. stop disturbing people's lives. guys that fucking need girls to make their girlfriend jealous. what the fuck is wrong with you, are you like 5? and dumb girls that thinks they're pretty and size zero, calling people FAT is not okay, where is your fucking senses. people like you increases the rate of anorexias and NOT EVERYONE WANTS TO HAVE NO ASS AND NO BOOBS LIKE YOU. can't even spell proper english and still wanna act like you can really bitch. and owh, hello, guess who can read all the stupid chinese crap you bitched on facebook?

yea, i can be. love.

Love

2011-06-23T05:28:00.001+08:00

i am a very special child. and i have some very special friends.
now let me show you.

this is, shirin, my 2nd man, the one who thinks her white viva is a white lambo.

freaks out at flying leaves even when she's driving safely in a moving closed car.

the hardworking but in the end of the day still same pace with me girl.

this is ashley, the sexy weight losing monster who has one of the

strongest wills among all the people i know.

hot like fuck but still single and weird guys are constantly hitting on her.

people always blame things on her which i dont even know why.

this is daphne, my skype mate, the one i made good impression with the mum

and now she is constantly comparing me to her daughter. (hoorah)

the one that stresses out at the tiniest lil things,

and find no one appreciating the effort she makes.

this, is, izzral, my bear and one of my BGF. best guy friend.

thou, i am always putting him in the same category as 'the muffin girls'.

the one that recently got his license but still everyone refuses to follow his ride.

this, is my boyfriend, and if you know him do not let him know i posted

this picture of him. for i know him too well, i know when hes gonna fart

and when hes gonna dig his nose. kidding.

but yea, if you tell him he will not marry me anymore :(

he's here because he is my best friend too. and i love him.

these are people that i really really care for in college. i mean, there are also other people that are really nice and i really love making friends with, but these bunch, they're different. and no doubt i would go to great length for them. you, really don't wanna mess with them. like, really. cz, you have to go through not only me, but all of us :3

plus, you know how bitchy i can get.

now for the grand finale!

awwww. being retarded is fun.

Planking game

2011-06-22T03:51:00.003+08:00

yes, it was during class.

dont be surprise, i'll be doing this pretty often from now on. which is weird, and funny. trying to infect more people with the planking disease. just incase you don't know what im talking about,

The lying down game (also known as planking,^[1] or face downs) is an activity, popular in various parts of the world, consisting of lying face down in an unusual or incongruous location. The hands must touch the sides of the body, and having a photograph of the participant taken and posted on the Internet is an integral part of the game.^[2] Players compete to find the most unusual and original location in which to play.^[2] The location should also be as public as possible, and as many people as possible should be involved.^[3]

Planking is described as the practice of lying down flat with arms to the side, to mimic a wooden plank. It has its origins in the "lying down game".^[19]

^{- wikipedia}

if you still don't get it go for visual examples in google.com

dont go and plank at your balconies or wtv cause i don't wanna be responsible for any accident resulted from planking. yes, people died from planking before. which is stupid, for he fell off from a 7 storey building. i guess he was planking there at the first place because he had strong faith that he was a mutant or something.

ok, HAVE FUN TRYING and DO NOT DIE! :)

Father's Day

2011-06-20T21:20:00.002+08:00

dad: the man that once picked me up from kindergarten and brought me to any mini van stalls , just so i could buy my favourite snacks. we were once so close, like spaghetti and meatballs. i really don't know what and when snapped, causing us an invincible distant. walls, something that shouldn't exist in between families. i gotta admit things sort of change after i got here, 'minimally'. maybe because we both lack the absence of each other. one thing about me, i am a black sheep. i am very loving, oh god knows that, but i fail in expressing especially to you, and i break bonds and crash heart within a house. something you can never take, that was why i fled. and ran far away. despite how naive i might sound, still until today, i believe what i did kept me and your heart closer for we cant argue at petty things anymore. papi i love you, more than words could explain. i once think you're bloody annoying. but today i realize, you're annoyance is resulted from love.

yea he would not read this, and maybe i secretly dont wish he does either. i am just a puss hiding behind this texts, probably defending my own self so that noone can judge me. but i love him, yes i do.